Dear Diary...

A conversation with a friend this weekend ended in a question that I never anticipated would be asked of me.  Conversely, my behavior (or lack there of) seemed to have similarly startled the asker.

"Wait... you don't track your period on your phone?!?"

That's right, folks, there's an app for that.  And I, and it seems only I, do not have it.  Or, did not have it.  Because now I do have it.

Actually, what I said above (about there being an app for that) is a bit of an understatement.  There are closer to 327 apps for that.  I did a bit of researched and then chose a strongly reviewed application called Period Diary.  Which makes me feel like I'm 12 years old again, lying on my stomach stretched out on a floral quilted bed, chewing on the end of one of my braids while I "dear diary" about boys and, of course, my first visit from Aunt Flo.

When you open the app, the homepage layout is a pale pink flower.  The middle of this flower counts down from your last period to your next.  You get to log your symptoms, your moods, your ovulation cycles, and write little notes to your periods whenever such a whim might seize you.

Previous to this, I was amazed when my phone searched the internet, kept my grocery list, and masqueraded as a Zippo lighter, but being my personal period diary has quickly risen to the top of the list of the Awesome Activities of the iPhone.  Of course I wouldn't buy the full version yet.  I'm holding out till 2.0, which will come with it's own basal thermometer and pregnancy test attachments.

Anyway, I'm off to go think of sweet nothings to speak to my period when she decides to arrive, somewhere between 3 days ago and a week from now.  I'm not exactly sure as to her expected date, because as  I've already discussed, I have as of yet not been appropriately tracking her visits.  So long friends, say hi to all of your periods for me!

Oh, and P.S.- Did you read those petals?  Did you see the one labeled "Forum"?  Did you realize this means that you can chat with other period havers about YOUR period on the internets??  I've been having periods almost every month since I was 12, and I have never ONCE chatted about them on the internets! Which begs one question and one statement. First, WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!?  Second, I have a backlog of something like 315 periods to chat about, so I think I best be getting to it.

Happy chatting friends, may all your cycles be regular, and your symptoms log include impressively few zits, bottles of blue constipation juice, and angry-monkey faces.

I forgot.

May I say something mildly offensive here? Cuz holy crap.

Yeah. Holy crap.  It seems that after all of the dieting and weight losing I did in 2012, the laziness and general slackery of the last couple of months looms larger in my mind.  Starting the new year I actually thought I was excited to get back to healthy eating and disciplined living.

Well that was a joke.  Because it turns out what I really want to do is eat my weight in breadsticks and cookie dough.

Over the holidays the occasional friend or family member complimented my new, smaller-than-its-been-in-years physique.  And I said thanks, but I almost felt like I shouldn't.  I honestly started to feel like I didn't deserve any congratulations, because I hadn't "earned" the weight loss.  While being a bit thinner and eating whatever I dang well pleased over the holidays, I actual forgot HOW HARD it was to lose the weight in the first place.  It was this rose colored, almost mystical time in my memory, the period of 6 months of diet and exercise was remembered by the excitement of smaller numbers and progress pictures than by the two thousand times each day I had to resist temptation, by all the nights I went to bed with a faintly growling stomach, or by all the crankiness caused by a disturbing lack of tasty foods.

I remember now.  I remember it ALL now.

I'm working my way up to my diet, dipping my toe in and testing the water and oh lordy it burns us.  My husband does pushups every morning, he started at 10 and every week or two he ads 5 more.  Now he's at around 60.  I've decided to do the same with crunches, so that I can get in the habit of "sexy stomach".  I'm also going to start some Zumba when it shows up at my doorstep next week.  I hope it's fun.  It looks like fun.

And then there's the food.  I'm eating things like yogurt and fiber cereal (following the exuberant recommendations of my in-laws) and working toward eating real, healthy food at mealtimes instead of snacking on chips and Christmas candy all day.  At least of course, that's the idea.  We'll see how this works out.

Today's goal:  Do whatever it takes, up to and including cutting off my foot, to be back down to 142 by next week Thursday.

Happy New Years Resolving, Y'all!

Happy New Year!

I was going to write the title in Spanish (Feliz Ano Nuevo).  But see, I don't know how to type the Spanish letter "en-yay" on Blogger and Ano without the "en-yay" means "anus", not "year".  Now just so we're clear, if you have recently gotten a new anus, say, through anus transplant surgery or some sort of new anal rejuvenation therapy, please let me be the first to wish you a happy new anus.  However for my purposes, I feel like more people tonight are probably celebrating the New Year than their New Anuses.  Although the anus people, though few in number, might be celebrating harder.

All this to say, it is the vera vera last day of 2012, and I am back.  So you are welcome.

As you might expect from my leave of absence, I have been very busy and very eating too much.  I celebrated the holidays, but the holidays are done (pretty much) and I need to get back on track, which for me means getting back on-blog.  Some changes you may notice coming soon: 1) I'm going to start weighing in again.  I'm pretty sure I'll be weighing in on Thursdays instead of Mondays. 2) I'll be making regular mention of a 20-pound-drop competition/challenge/thingy that I've joined with my sister- and mother- in laws.  20 pounds by May 23.  I intend to win.  3) Any other changes I decide to add as the whim takes me.  Don't expect me to spoon feed you.  Find the new stuff on your own, danggit.

So to celebrate the new year, I thought I would list a few memorable moments (good, bad, and otherwise) from this year to end all years*.

-This year had life and death.  I had a son.  That was awesome. A lot.  Between my husband and I, we lost 4 of our grandparents.  That sucked.  A lot.

-This year had hospitals in it.  My daughter had her LAST hip dysplasia check up, as she has developed sufficient hip sockets and is no longer a potential surgery candidate.  I on the other hand underwent a vast array of testings and got diagnosed with IBS.  So I take fiber and probiotics and much to my doctor's approval I have learned to poo more frequently.   I know, I was impressed too.

-This year had an election in it.  You can read more about that here.

-This year a chubby Korean reminded us how much fun it is do the pony.  To celebrate the end of 2012, I went and watched the whole Gangnam Style video for the first time.  I agree with America.  It is great.  I hope he does a workout video next, because I think I could get on board with this.

-This year I got an iPhone.  It's a pretty cool phone.

-This year was the first year that my husband and I lived completely on a budget.  Which makes me embarrassed because a responsible adult person would have started that years before, but we chose to not be responsible adult persons and so there you have it.  Also: budgeting is pretty cool.  I know it doesn't sound like it, but yeah. It is.

-This year had immense excitements in it.  Professional almosts that have kept husband and I on the edge of our seats.  And since some of those almosts are still maybes, our immense excitement seems that it will carry into 2013.  And that's nice.

-And lastly, this year had really awesome movies in it.  Did anyone else notice?  Super fun time at the movies in 2012.  I will list all the ones I liked that I can think of. In no particular order.  Don't be insulted please if I say a movie you hated or forget a movie you loved.  Okay here you go:

Dark Knight Rises

The Avengers 

The Hobbit

Looper

Hunger Games

The Amazing Spiderman (I didn't like this, I'd call it a muddled disappointment, but I didn't regret watching it.)

Prometheus (Really didn't like this.  Still enjoyed watching it.)

Men in Black 3.  Yep that's right.

21 Jump Street

Cabin in the Woods

Skyfall

Sinister

Argo

And I'm pretty sure there were a bunch more.  Point is, we saw a lot of a movies this year.  And I liked it so much.  I feel like this was a year of Enjoying The Cinema.  And there's still more 2012 flicks I intend to see.  I'm not sure if the movies this year were exceptionally awesome, or if I became somehow more open to the movie-viewing experience, or if I just needed a little happy escapism in a dramatic year peppered with joy and pain, anticipation and disappointment.

Eww, people are making out on TV and it is disgusting.  Don't start your new year by being disgusting, people.  Ew.

Anyway, that's it, that's my thank you and goodbye 2012 wrap up.  Now I think I'll go hang out with the hubs and wax uber-nostalgic for the next few hours until the ball drops for the West Coast.  At the moment husband is singing along to New York New York and showing off his skills as a Rockette.  Because it's always nice to keep your career options open.

Happy New Years, dear friends.  Love God.  Serve each other.  And be sure to find some laughs along the way.

Oh yeah, and for those of you celebrating extra hard this year: Feliz New Bunghole**.

*Epic Mayan-woops.
**Sorry I said Bunghole.

Ears.

I have really big ears.  And they stick out a lot.  If you haven't noticed it's because A, you haven't met me in human form, B, you are a forgiving person who chooses not to focus on the physical quirks of others, or C, I also have a giant, basket-ball shaped head which puts my satellite ears into some perspective.

Just the same, the ears are there.  I assure you.  Get used to it.

It used to be a big problem for me.  It's hard to feel pretty as a teenaged girl when you also feel way too much like Dumbo the flying elephant.  I was exuberant when I learned of a surgery they can do that actually removes some cartilage to make your ears lie more flatly against your head.  I'd never considered plastic surgery, but if they can do something about the ears....

I was also terrified I'd pass this jean on.  I had a recurring nightmare when I was pregnant with my daughter, where we got a sonogram done, and all we could see was that goofy MAD Magazine kid smiling back at us.

I don't remember consciously worrying about my kids coming out looking like this, but my subconscious was certainly fixated on that fear.

And as a side note, guess what?  Both my kids were born with normal, flat against their heads ears.  And then with in a few days, both kids' ears stuck out and flopped over a bit at the top.  I have two absolutely beautiful little children with the world's most sad little puppy dog ears.  They're going to blame me for it one day.  I'm going to have to remind them that this is an affliction we share, not one I chose for them.

Anyway, there is a point to all of this. The point is this little secret that I have, and that I've mostly kept for almost 20 years.  And that secret is this:  Sometimes I dig my crazy big ears.  Sometimes I wear my hair to showcase them, I purposefully allow them to peek through.  And at those times I don't think "goofy and ridiculous", I think "...elf".  And no, not like a Santa's little helpers thing, like an ageless, mystical, immortal being.  This weekend we're having our annual LOTR watching marathon, and it got me thinking.  So the past few days, the picture of myself in my head looks a little less like MAD TV, and a little bit more like this:

Those elf-chicks are pretty hot.

That being said, it's kind of fun to learn how to NOT take yourself so seriously.  It's fun to learn how to poke fun of yourself and enjoy some of your own quirkiness.  And hey, you might realize that your silly clownish parts are actually sexy-elf parts too.

Now that being said, I also have some pretty sizable feet, and  the Hobbits have pointy ears too.

Actions have consequences...

I kind of feel like this thing:

McDonald's sales drops for first time since 2003 - New York News | NYC Breaking News

and this thing:

may just be related things. Sorry McDonald's!  Wish we could still be close close friends, but seems we need to be super distant acquaintances at this point.

Tony the Tiger level GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT weigh in today, helping me feel well established into the 130s, which leaves me feeling grand.

Also, I got to spend my day with the two cutest freaking kids on the planet.

Lil' Man enjoyed his first time on the swing!





















I've officially decided to like them, even if they choose not to let me get a good night's sleep.











Happy evening, all!  I foresee some television watching and hat-crocheting in my not too distant future, unless the exhaustion gets to me first...

Final Fit Fall Weigh In!!!

This day is exhausting.  So is this week.  And month.  My kids have decided they no longer need sleep,  I had 10 hours of work on Monday, and about 14 today.  Which is more than I would prefer to work, if I'm perfectly honest.  I am sore and tired and maybe just a liiiiiittle bit grumpy.

But I finally got around to weighing in.  So here you have it, folks.  I know I've been super delinquent about posting these days, which is not totally unrelated to the fact that my weight has been rollercoastering without actually getting any lower and I am unexcited and, in case I haven't mentioned it, sleepy.  Anyway.  Right.  Today's weight:

Technically, it's my lowest weight, which is awesome.  And yep, it's under 140, which is also awesome.  But it really hasn't gone down more than fractions of a pound in like, 2 or 3 weeks I think, and that makes it dull.  But I don't deserve better because my dieting has been inconsistent and my exercise has happened about as frequent as ::insert witty reference to rare occurring phenomena here::

Oye.  Do I sound like a total grump? It's cause I'm sleepy.  But here you go.  I have lost about 10.8 pounds in the Fit and Fabulous Fall Challenge.  10.8 pounds in those 8 weeks, and considering all the birthday celebrating, Halloweening, and just general failing I feel I did over those particular 8 weeks, I think that's not so bad.

Oh, and speaking of Halloween, here was my family last Wednesday:

We are Batman.  We may be the coolest family you know.

G'night folks!

My blog is fixed and I am not dead!

My excuse for not having posted in over a week is that my blog got all crazy and everything on every page was titled things like tpyrr lppl, and I didn't want to publish things and have them looking like that so I thought I'd just fix it later and then later became never so I thought I'd just wait until it got better on its own so I did and then it did.

I'm not getting thinner these days, mostly because of things like "Halloween Candy Dinner", and how that's replaced chicken, white rice, and steamed vegetables as our night time meal of choice.

November started at 139, and I have decided on a new 2012 goal:  Weigh less than 140.  That's it, really.  Lately I'm mostly stuck in the low 140s with occasional trips into the very upper 130s.  So in this next couple of months, I want to make sure I maintain what I've done, lose a few more pounds, and end the year on a high note.

That aside:  Dang it all I'm tired.  My son, my Magic Amazing Sleepy Son, really needs a new name.  Like, Wake Mommy Up Every 2 Hours Every Night For 6 Months Son.  So I'm sleepy.  And on top of that, I've been working a lot more, which is GREAT because it turns out they give you money for that, but is NOT GREAT because I'm sleepy.

And now it is  9pm and we are sleepy so it is bed time.  Have a wonderful week y'all.  Hope you can get some sleep, but if you can, don't tell me about it because I might freak and scratch out your eyeballs.  Cuz, you know.  I'm really sleepy.