Well that was a really dumb goal.

Jumped out of the shower today and started digging through my closet for some clean clothes to wear to work. Meaning of course, t-shirts and yoga pants need not apply. Found a shirt I haven't touched in forever, and low and behold, it fit. Woot! Bully for me! But I just couldn't for the life of me find a clean pair of jeans smaller than 14s but bigger than 4s. Harrumph. And that's when my eyes wandered up to the jeans I've had hanging over the bedroom mirror all week.

You remember those:

Should I? 

Just to try?

Well, this is probably going to make me cry, but whatever. I'm desperate. 

And it turns out that this:

So that was a really stupid goal. I mean, I'm 4 days into this new 30 day challenge, and doing well. But not that well. Not smaller jeans well. But there are two important factors at hand.

1) These jeans are stretchy. Like, almost one-size-fits-all kind of stretchy. I assume these jeans were built specifically to be Happy Good Mood Day Jeans. 

And

2) I'm afraid of my clothes and the feelings they make me have. I've got a good sized section of my own closet labeled "Don't Touch It, It'll Make You Cry". I have actually been afraid to try on clothes before, only to find that by the time I did, they were a little on the big side.

Needless to say, when I made these my goal, I had no real idea whether or not these pants would fit. All I knew was that last time I wore them, I was 5-10 pounds lighter than I am now. Which I assume means I'm getting super extra toned and sexy. You should see how hard I'm flexing right now. IT'S AMAZING. 

So although I'm glad I have clean pants on today, (dear heavens I hope I'm not compromising the structural integrity of these pants), this doesn't change anything. I still look pretty much exactly like I did in the last post, and I still have 26 more days of lunges and planks and crunches and tears and blood to go.

And I guess maybe I've learned it's time to  clean out my closet, try things on, and stop guessing what portion of my wardrobe is still "goal", and what portion is "work appropriate for today".

 No matter how much it's going to make me cry.