Is your toothbrush trying to kill you? Why you should always keep a gun in the bathroom, full story, at 11.

I got the antibiotics on Monday, January 4. By Tuesday afternoon, I was really starting to turn a corner. By last Friday, I had a sore throat again.

So Sunday morning, at 6am, on our way out the door to church, (where I was singing on praise team for 2 services), I asked Internet why my Strep throat went away and then decided to come back. And according to Internet? The answer is my toothbrush.

So, my toothbrush is trying to kill me.

More accurately, my toothbrush is holding Strep throat, just for safe keeping, and then giving it back to me twice a day when I brush my teeth.  Like a friendly dude just trying to help me out. “Here friend! You gave this to me earlier, so I held on to it, now you can have it back! Hope you like it!”

I don’t like it, stupid toothbrush. I really, really don’t like it.

According to Internet, what you SHOULD do when you get strep throat is throw away a million toothbrushes. One use, then into the bin.  Which feels outrageously wasteful, but seeing as today, for the first time in 2 weeks, I woke up without a sore throat, so we’re calling it a win.

Now for some things: Today, 2 weeks into The Weight Loss of 2016, 157.4.

So:

4.6 pounds lost

1 inch lost on the waist

1 inch lost in booty town

and some other stuff too! Less in the arms and legs, but 1, basically no exercise due to sickness and a 2 day long migraine I’m just walking out of make me not terribly surprised by this. 

There is no 2. Sorry I just said 1.

BUT. Again, the diet has been amazingly consistent (despite that hamburger I ate last Saturday. It was good.) And I exercised, today, so I think I’m off on a better track. Sorry for the lacks of updates.

Happy weekend, friends, oh and yeah:

21.6 pounds to go!!

I HAVE AN AWESOME IDEA.

I DO INDEED HAVE AN AWESOME IDEA. But I'll get to that in a second.

Update. Diet is great. Well, diet is painful and makes me sad. Especially since I started diet on a Friday, and then had to be around... you know... the weekend, and this amazing wedding where we made the video, and there was a table covered in giant glass containers filled with chocolates, and people who walk into your personal space to offer you a giant tray of delicious cake all night that I didn't get to have. Which was mean. You should be able to wear some kind of patch or something so that the trays of cake people know not to treat you like a normal human, and so then I don't have to dig my fingernails into my palms and cry a bunch at strangers.

Ehem. Point is that, thus far, dieting has gone consistently. I'm getting pretty bomb at dieting. 

Workouts, on the other hand, have gone thusly:

Friday: 30 minute work out video and 5 mile run.  It was awesome. I was awesome.

Saturday: Diiiiidn't exactly exercise, really was not feeling well, and then there was the whole wedding job thingy, so ... I didn't.

Sunday: Felt pretty miserable and exhausted all day, but got in a 4 mile jog in the evening. Felt great on the run. Felt like I might die by way of sore throat after the run.

Monday: Went to work. Immediately left work and went to the clinic instead. Got diagnosed with Strep Throat. Went home and moved into bed. No exercise. Lived in the bed.

In FACT, I haven't exercised a single time this week! I did go out to some stuff at church on Wednesday, and at one point ran to my car to get something, but that made me feel like dying, so I think I'm going to continue this non-exercising plan until I'm more fully mended. Or less lazy. Somewhere in there, for sure. Maybe Saturday.

But on to my awesome idea, and that is MARATHON.  I was lying in bed just now, not sleeping, and thinking about the fact that tomorrow is my weigh in day, and wondering exactly what my goal weight should be. I decided 136 and toned sounded like a good goal. Which made me realize I have to lose 26  pounds from my starting weight. Which is a marathon of pounds. Which made me think of this time back in to 2012 when, after giving birth to numero dos, I was in a "lose a marathon" challenge, where we all tried to lose 26.2 pounds in 13 weeks. And I totally nailed it, so I think, heck, let's do that again! So then I calculated out 13 weeks, and that would be April 1, which WHOA, is  the month of the 5 year anniversary of that time when I ran a half marathon. Guys. Guys. Listen, guys. THIS IS AMAZING.  Also??? losing 26.2 total pounds would actually put me at 135.8, officially my lowest married person weight. WOW. Everything is perfect.

So I'm absolutely definitely doing this now. I made up my own challenge, and it is amazing, so it is happening. I got so excited, that even though it's way after midnight and I'm supposed to be recovering from illness, I went and photoshopped a THIS:

This is my official challenge badge!! I'm posting it to the blog as my pledge to lose 26.2 pounds in the first 13 weeks of 2016. If you'd like to join me, please feel free to steal the badge and post it wherever your awesome lives. Because let's be honest, 6:30am me is going to be very upset with everything that transpired hours after I was supposed to be asleep tonight, and a little solidarity would make me feel a lot better!

Alright. gooood night, dearest friends. Check in tomorrow for some Week 1 results!

P.S. I'm also thinking part of this challenge means I should run another 13 miles this coming April. Because I haven't run that far since 5 years ago, this coming April. But I don't yet want to make too many promises that my 6:30am self is going to be angry about.

Okay now good night for reals.

This is the New Year. Reality Bites.

Honest moment: I've been avoiding writing this post for most of the last hour.  I uploaded the pictures I took earlier today. I was unhappy, because everything is worse than I thought, and the pictures made me grumpy. So I made tea. And perused the internet. I used my last protein serving of the day to have some Greek yogurt because I was hungry. Played some WordBrain.  Watched some crappy TV.

The thing is, I enjoy writing this blog. I enjoy writing it, I'm quite certain, more than anyone out there enjoys reading it. There've been dozens of times where it was the thing I did when I was avoiding doing something else. Buuuuut then there's tonight. So rip it off like a bandaid, here's my grumpy stuff, this is what I look like on January 1, 2015.

I'm disappointed with myself for being grumpy right now. I had this whole "thing" I was doing today, this thing about rising above, about being happy and cheery and accepting my choices, and most importantly learning to like myself in whatever iteration I happen to visit. See, I have this tendency to be super binary about my feelings about myself. If I weigh less than 150, I'm happy with me. If I weigh more than 155, I am distinctly UNhappy with me. If I weight between 150 and 155... I give myself the stink-eye. You watch your growing butt, 150-155 me.

I really hate that I'm this shallow with myself. I don't hate other people based on the presence or lack of gooey jelly belly. I reserve that judgement for  myself. But I decided that I wanted to be a bigger person (whaddapching) today, and not get all stupid grumpy about my weight.

But here I am, and I'm grumpy. 

162.0 pounds today. 162 pounds of grumpy.

I did well today. It was hard to walk past the left over candies, and it was hard to avoid snacking. My diet's been so bad lately, that my body is used to a distinctly higher number of calories than I had today.  My body thinks it's hungry. But despite the scary temptations, I did quite well! I stuck to the diet, did the work out video, and chased it down with a 5 mile run. BOOM FOR ME, YO. 

So this is the bad part. The hard part. The ugly pictures and the big number part. This is just day 1. 2016 has a bunch more of these puppies in store, and I'm going to rock them all. 

Night friends!!

NYE FTW!!!

Happy New Year's Eve, folks!  Not sure exactly why I'm writing, I'm sure most of my super fab readers are all partying hardcore, being all fancy like

 

or maybe like

or even like 

I don't know how you party. And that's cool. You be you. 

Meanwhile, I'm over here chillin on the couch, wearing a hoodie and getting ready to watch When Harry Met Sally like

Heeeeeeeey!

The kids are asleep. We made the slightly insane choice to let them stay up an extra hour to watch the ball drop in New York (gotta love West Coast parenting!), but they just got all loopy because they were sleepy,  and then they were confused that we were counting backwards at the television and dancing around the living room. "... Why are Mommy and Daddy DOING that??"  

Speaking of which, out of nowhere:

Shane: I'd be a HOT female. Because I know how to work it.

Hmm. I'm not so sure I want to have a deep heart to heart about his resolutions this year. Some thoughts are better when kept on the inside.

So the kids didn't care too much about the ball dropping or the counting or the celebrating, but they DID like the Sparkling Cider, so I guess it wasn't too bad.

Cheers!

Anyhoosit, earlier tonight I grocery shopped, and I absolutely selfied all over that FoodMaxx. Here is my story. 

Once upon a time, I went to the grocery store.

Oh yeah, It's also important to mention that I went to the grocery store dressed up like a homeless.  

I bought this produce....

It made me feel extremely sexy, all that produce. Even with the homeless thing going on...

Because I knew that some day soon, I'm going to look like this.

The end.

And that's officially the first and last times I take pictures of myself in the grocery store. All that harsh lighting and pushing food around, it's just not ever going to give me quite that "Kardashian" feel I've been going for.

Okay. We're When Harry Met Sally-ing now. And it's maybe my favorite movie ever, so I'm ditching all you losers.  Tomorrow though. Tomorrow we will have some words.

Happy, happy, happiest of new years to you all! Joy and happiness and blessings to you all!!

3 more days till diet means I'm not currently on a diet.

Yeah. Second Dinner. Bet you didn't even know that was a thing. I made it a thing.

Obviously, I'm going a little crazy with the fat thing and the eating thing. I'm just really going about this whole plan in a different way than ever before. Last time I went on a diet, I spent the last week before the diet "began" trying to eat a little better and work out more regularly to prepare. So that my before stats wouldn't be so bad.  But it has since occurred to me that this is a really lame way to go about dieting. Because life can't ALL be about restrictive living. So this week, I'm eating all the junk that I won't be touching for 3 weeks.... 6 weeks.... 20 weeks... something weeks. Whatever it takes to get me to lose about 30 pounds. 30 pounds weeks.

Anyway the point is, restriction is coming. And I intend to do restriction AWESOME. I plan to get up early and exercise before work, I plan to grill chicken so I've got lean protein to eat every day for lunch, I plan to be INCREDIBLE at it. You'll all be impressed, I assure you. But I'm not there yet. Right now, I'm being incredible at candy and sourdough and coffee creamer.  I'm "enjoying my last cigarette", as it were. Except it's not a cigarette. I tried one of those once and I hated it. THAT was my last cigarette. It's a metaphor, you see? My cigarette is like... chocolate. Or some kind of giant pile of carbohydrates. With candy on it. And also ice cream.

So there you have it. Publicly and unapologetically, getting chunkier on purpose. Well... sort of on purpose. But with deliberate action, so I guess yeah, on purpose.

But I think there's a good diet thing here. (As I'm writing this I am also eating another Rolo and 2 more Hershey's kisses. I am not ashamed. Even though I totally should be but whatever.) Anyway, yeah, I think this is a good diet thing. I am putting myself out there. I am letting you know how bad this got so that I am freaking accountable to be a better human in 2016. Because if I don't, you'll just be left knowing how disgusting I am. Because ferreals, there's a chance I head back to the kitchen for a few more chocolate things.

So there you have it, folks. Being disgusting now, so that I can be super not disgusting later. It's science, let me assure you.

Also science: the picture that has me the most excited to get to the weight losing.

3 short weeks of diet and exercise. Actual visible results. And shoot, just imagine what 3 months would do! Hashtag Bikini Bodies, Y'all!!

It is official. Christmas is dun. Dun. Dun dun DUUUUUUN!!!!

Sitting on the couch watching the Broncos beat the Bengals with a turnover in overtime, having spent the entire day lounging in pajamas at my mother's house, celebrating the Navidad. And I'm enjoying life. And then suddenly I realize:

Real life comes back tomorrow.

Ewwww. Real life is busy and gross and it has lots of responsibilities and ZERO fudge.  I'm not sure how they even get away with that.

Tomorrow is for writing reports and making schedules and it has meetings and appointments and phone calls aplenty. That's not twinkly lights and wrapping paper. That's not nice at all. That's hard work. But here's the thing about Christmas: It is beautiful, but it doesn't last. And here's the thing about twinkly lights: Our electric bill is OUTRAGEOUS. Like, "time to sell one of the kids" OUTRAGEOUS. And here's the thing about vacation: it turns out I can't afford my electric bill if I don't get off my tukhus and get back to work. And here's the thing about fudge: I have become a chunky butt. A real live, lumpy, chunky butt.

So it's decided: it is about dang time for real life to come back. Probably. Even though I'm feeling very whiney about the whole idea of tomorrow.

But I am Mrs. Brightside, so I've been working myself up to getting excited about January. Because lets be honest. You really have to make some effort here. Worst. Month. Ever. January is long and it's gray and dreary and it doesn't have anything that's exciting except for some dead guys' birthdays. And also, we're pretty much all fat and poor in January thanks to stupid dumb Christmas*.

But I've decided that January, for all of it's dreary, chubby poverty, can maybe instead be a new time of celebration and excitement. December can be all about your family, but January is all about your life.  Your LIFE people! January is the time when we all get together and decide what kind of humans we want to be when we grow up. January is for big dreams. For inspiration. For hope. For fresh starts, for clean slates, for do overs. January lets you reflect on the past, and project out 365 days of future. And that's not sad, or fat, or poor, or dreary. That's kind of exciting.

So these last few days of December, it seems, will be about getting back to work, and planning for the future. Making some schedules for workouts. Planning our meals. Cleaning out the house. And of course, deciding who I want to be, the year I turn 33.

Okay. That's it. It's getting late and rumor has it that tomorrow, I'm supposed to be a grown up.  But before I leave, here is a picture of me that I thought would be awesome if only I had glasses. So I got some glasses. Now I'm judging you. You're welcome.

Nighty night, friends of mine!

*I'm so, so sorry Christmas. I didn't mean it. Please don't leave me.

ZOMG IT'S ALMOST 2016. A reflection.

It's just after 8pm. The kids are in bed. They're not asleep, not by a long shot, but they're in bed. Deep, cleansing breath.

I should really take up yoga.

So don't be horribly shocked, but for the sixth year in a row, it's coming up on the new year, and I decided to get back to blogging. And it feels cliche. But then you know what? Who cares. The thing is, I like the New Year.  I like reflection. I like reassessment. And I like making resolutions. So I'm here, and so I'm gonna, and you're just gonna need to deal with it. Happy friggin New Year and all.

And as far as reflection goes, wow. 2015 has been like wow. The last post on here is from July. Since July,
we traveled to Idaho.
we bought a minivan.
we started homeschooling with a new group, where I get to teach a small group of kids once a week.
we went through the whole soccer season.
we threw birthday parties for 3 of our kids.
we therapied.
we Halloweened.
we Thanksgivinged.
we Christmased.
we... I gained a bunch of weight.
and for the biggest surprise change of the year, we got a whole new human.

Our foster daughter has been with us full time for over 4 months now. I can't show you a picture until adoption is finalized, which, thanks to the legendary lightning speed of government, won't be for many many more months. But I did decide to start giving people a "feel" for our family, by turning our newest addition into our ninja-est addition. Now it's not creepy. Now it's totally cool.

Christmas morning around the tree. Everyone looks a little nuts and no one is really sitting still. Because Real Life, folks.

It's been a year of change. New experiences for us. New activities. A schedule packed so full of work and appointments and social workers and court dates and education and church and sports that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. And also? It's really noisy. I have to learn how to relax around noisy. And the messy. And the crazy. Ooooh the crazy.

And it seems in the midst of this life change, I have, to use a term the kids are saying these days, "let myself go", or "gotten really super fat again". I don't know. It's all very technical.

But I don't feel bad about it. Cuz the way I figure it, I basically had a new baby. Just... a peculiarly tall new baby, with a suprising grasp on the English language and a passion for all things Frozen. BUT THE POINT IS THAT I HAD A BABY.  And I always get fat when I have a baby. That's to be expected. The baby wanted ice cream and hamburgers. And really, I only gained like, 15-20 pounds. So, if you think about it, best baby ever.

We've been adjusting. We've been learning how to live our new life, learning how to fit in our new person and our new responsibilities, and how to do life now. And I guess, I found that transitioning was just a little easier with some extra padding. I need it for protection. The world is a dangerous place.

But now we're over 4 months in, the holidays are winding down, and we're starting our new year off as a family of 6. Still learning. Still adjusting. Still changing. But it's time to take the training wheels of self-indulgence off. It's time for me to work a little harder, and to get back in shape.

We're having our last family Christmas celebration of the season tomorrow, and I have 8 more presents to wrap before bed tonight.  Also, for all my hard work with the present-wrapping and the joy-providing, I intend to reward myself. I will eat and drink and be oh so merry. I'll check in on January first with some starter picks, the official jumping off weight, the plans for change and I'm sure more than a few tears and WHY OH WHY DID I EVER LET IT GET THIS BAD!?! but I have a few more days of indulgence to go, so I'm not there yet. Because there's this new thing I learned this year: Sometimes you can even just get fat on purpose.

Bet you didn't see that one coming.

Merry Christmas, friends. Indulge, rest, love, and joy all over the place. Because by the end of this week, ladies and gents, it is GO time. But for right now, I'm gonna go Christmas a lil bit more.