Comfortable bites.

I've been stuck in a rut over the past month, and I feel like this blog gets stuck right along with me.  On one hand, it's not particularly fun to post things like, "Hey guys, I'm back OVER 160 again today!" or "Hey everyone, I'm still not back down to what I weighed on Christmas Eve, even though it's February!"  Boo.  But at the same time, as this thing has become a sort of chronology of my weight loss, crappy posts should be here too.

I'm at a difficult stage in the process, for a number of reasons.  A big reason is completely psychological.  As of today (weigh in around 157)  I weigh a few pounds less than I did when I graduated high school.  A few pounds less than when Shane and I started dating.  Around 5-7 pounds more than I did on my wedding day.  You hear from people who have experienced major changes in their physical appearance having a hard time getting their self-concept to catch up with what everyone else can see.  I guess it's kind of like the Ugly Duckling phenomenon, a person who has been "usually fat" may always think of him or herself as fat.  For me, when I weighed around 130, and when I weighed around 190, THIS was the body I saw with my minds eye.  A little bit chubby,  decently strong (you know, for a chick), size somewhere around 8-10.

All of these facts being true, it's really easy for me to just to cozy up at this plateau, and say "good enough".  To keep sucking in my stomach while looking in the mirror and adding bronzer to make my cheek bones look a liiiittle more well defined.  No I'm not happy with where I am now, but I'm not depressed about it either.  I'm comfortable.  And ya know what?  Comfortable, "good enough", these are most definitely the worst enemies of Great.

Another road block to weight loss is simply the fact that I've actually had some success so far.  When I was pushing 200lbs, I was eating whatever, lots of sweets, lots of fast food, and never exercising.  So making changes, cutting out the sweets and fats (not ALWAYS, but MOSTLY) and getting up and moving around for a little, well that took me from 191 down to 157.  But now, something else needs to happen.  I can't lose weight just by making these changes.   Those changes where already made.  Now, it's time to get even more serious.  So today will be the 3rd day of crazy kick-me-in-the-pants working out.  I'm getting more serious, I'm ready to get past comfortable and to be hot stuff.  In fact, I'm ready to get to my best self: My adult lowest was at age 20, I got down to 128.  I want to be down there again, under 130, and more toned than I ever made myself be back then.   So here we go, no turning back.  Oh, and also, get ready to see bikini pictures soon, because when I start looking hot, well, people are going to see some of that :-)

So good luck to all of you who are going through this stuff with me, I appreciate all of the encouragement and stories of solidarity!   You guys are crazy awesome!