Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Now I know how cat feels.

We have Cat.
Cat spends all night sleeping on our feet.
Cat spends all day sleeping on the arm of our couch.
Cat occasionally wakes up to eat and force humans to pet her.

Besides that, cat sleeps.
Oh, how I envy Cat.

Sometimes I think about blogging again these days, but during the few minutes of opportunity I have in the day, my fingers feel too sleepy to type, and my brain feels too sleepy to be interesting.

Exactly how much would you like to hear about my exhaustion, nausea, and newly developed passion for everything edible?  Are you fascinated to know how stupid being pregnant makes you?  Here's some of the more recent highlights:

- TWICE in one day, I dialed a number on my phone, then forgot to pick it up to my ear. I just stared at it, wondering what was supposed to happen next.
- I forgot to change my daughter's diaper last week. For an entire day. I put one on her in the morning, and didn't think about it again till she started to leak at 5.
- I keep forgetting stuff I'm supposed to be doing, and places I'm supposed to be driving.
- I've washed my body in hair conditioner, and come very close to putting lotion on my toothbrush.  I'm getting really nervous I might poison myself soon.
- I can't remember anyone's name. I mean anyone.  Real sorry, everyone I've ever met. I just don't know who you are anymore.
- I forget the date. Not just the day, but the month and year too. Frequently.
- I forgot my own age the other day. I read it a bunch of times, and kept agreeing with myself.  Yep, I'm 26.  It took a friend to remind me that I'm 27, which was terrifying, because it really felt like a lost a year of my life right then.

It would not be a stretch to say that I'm about two days from dropping my jaw and drooling on myself.  Shoot, I already wind up with bits of food and toothpaste spilled down my shirts most days, I'm constantly tripping when I walk, and the other day I somehow managed to drop a drawer full of heavy things on my foot, because I don't know how to properly use cupboards anymore.

So that's my life lesson these days, my friends: HUMILITY. Learn it. Love it. Forgive others because no one is more slovenly pathetic than yourself.

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