Thursday, December 31, 2015


Happy New Year's Eve, folks!  Not sure exactly why I'm writing, I'm sure most of my super fab readers are all partying hardcore, being all fancy like
or maybe like
or even like 
I don't know how you party. And that's cool. You be you. 

Meanwhile, I'm over here chillin on the couch, wearing a hoodie and getting ready to watch When Harry Met Sally like

The kids are asleep. We made the slightly insane choice to let them stay up an extra hour to watch the ball drop in New York (gotta love West Coast parenting!), but they just got all loopy because they were sleepy,  and then they were confused that we were counting backwards at the television and dancing around the living room. "... Why are Mommy and Daddy DOING that??"  

Speaking of which, out of nowhere:

Shane: I'd be a HOT female. Because I know how to work it.

Hmm. I'm not so sure I want to have a deep heart to heart about his resolutions this year. Some thoughts are better when kept on the inside.

So the kids didn't care too much about the ball dropping or the counting or the celebrating, but they DID like the Sparkling Cider, so I guess it wasn't too bad.

Anyhoosit, earlier tonight I grocery shopped, and I absolutely selfied all over that FoodMaxx. Here is my story. 

Once upon a time, I went to the grocery store.

Oh yeah, It's also important to mention that I went to the grocery store dressed up like a homeless.  
I bought this produce....
It made me feel extremely sexy, all that produce. Even with the homeless thing going on...
Because I knew that some day soon, I'm going to look like this.
The end.

And that's officially the first and last times I take pictures of myself in the grocery store. All that harsh lighting and pushing food around, it's just not ever going to give me quite that "Kardashian" feel I've been going for.

Okay. We're When Harry Met Sally-ing now. And it's maybe my favorite movie ever, so I'm ditching all you losers.  Tomorrow though. Tomorrow we will have some words.

Happy, happy, happiest of new years to you all! Joy and happiness and blessings to you all!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

3 more days till diet means I'm not currently on a diet.

Yeah. Second Dinner. Bet you didn't even know that was a thing. I made it a thing.

Obviously, I'm going a little crazy with the fat thing and the eating thing. I'm just really going about this whole plan in a different way than ever before. Last time I went on a diet, I spent the last week before the diet "began" trying to eat a little better and work out more regularly to prepare. So that my before stats wouldn't be so bad.  But it has since occurred to me that this is a really lame way to go about dieting. Because life can't ALL be about restrictive living. So this week, I'm eating all the junk that I won't be touching for 3 weeks.... 6 weeks.... 20 weeks... something weeks. Whatever it takes to get me to lose about 30 pounds. 30 pounds weeks.

Anyway the point is, restriction is coming. And I intend to do restriction AWESOME. I plan to get up early and exercise before work, I plan to grill chicken so I've got lean protein to eat every day for lunch, I plan to be INCREDIBLE at it. You'll all be impressed, I assure you. But I'm not there yet. Right now, I'm being incredible at candy and sourdough and coffee creamer.  I'm "enjoying my last cigarette", as it were. Except it's not a cigarette. I tried one of those once and I hated it. THAT was my last cigarette. It's a metaphor, you see? My cigarette is like... chocolate. Or some kind of giant pile of carbohydrates. With candy on it. And also ice cream.

So there you have it. Publicly and unapologetically, getting chunkier on purpose. Well... sort of on purpose. But with deliberate action, so I guess yeah, on purpose.

But I think there's a good diet thing here. (As I'm writing this I am also eating another Rolo and 2 more Hershey's kisses. I am not ashamed. Even though I totally should be but whatever.) Anyway, yeah, I think this is a good diet thing. I am putting myself out there. I am letting you know how bad this got so that I am freaking accountable to be a better human in 2016. Because if I don't, you'll just be left knowing how disgusting I am. Because ferreals, there's a chance I head back to the kitchen for a few more chocolate things.

So there you have it, folks. Being disgusting now, so that I can be super not disgusting later. It's science, let me assure you.

Also science: the picture that has me the most excited to get to the weight losing.

3 short weeks of diet and exercise. Actual visible results. And shoot, just imagine what 3 months would do! Hashtag Bikini Bodies, Y'all!!

Monday, December 28, 2015

It is official. Christmas is dun. Dun. Dun dun DUUUUUUN!!!!

Sitting on the couch watching the Broncos beat the Bengals with a turnover in overtime, having spent the entire day lounging in pajamas at my mother's house, celebrating the Navidad. And I'm enjoying life. And then suddenly I realize:

Real life comes back tomorrow.

Ewwww. Real life is busy and gross and it has lots of responsibilities and ZERO fudge.  I'm not sure how they even get away with that.

Tomorrow is for writing reports and making schedules and it has meetings and appointments and phone calls aplenty. That's not twinkly lights and wrapping paper. That's not nice at all. That's hard work. But here's the thing about Christmas: It is beautiful, but it doesn't last. And here's the thing about twinkly lights: Our electric bill is OUTRAGEOUS. Like, "time to sell one of the kids" OUTRAGEOUS. And here's the thing about vacation: it turns out I can't afford my electric bill if I don't get off my tukhus and get back to work. And here's the thing about fudge: I have become a chunky butt. A real live, lumpy, chunky butt.

So it's decided: it is about dang time for real life to come back. Probably. Even though I'm feeling very whiney about the whole idea of tomorrow.

But I am Mrs. Brightside, so I've been working myself up to getting excited about January. Because lets be honest. You really have to make some effort here. Worst. Month. Ever. January is long and it's gray and dreary and it doesn't have anything that's exciting except for some dead guys' birthdays. And also, we're pretty much all fat and poor in January thanks to stupid dumb Christmas*.

But I've decided that January, for all of it's dreary, chubby poverty, can maybe instead be a new time of celebration and excitement. December can be all about your family, but January is all about your life.  Your LIFE people! January is the time when we all get together and decide what kind of humans we want to be when we grow up. January is for big dreams. For inspiration. For hope. For fresh starts, for clean slates, for do overs. January lets you reflect on the past, and project out 365 days of future. And that's not sad, or fat, or poor, or dreary. That's kind of exciting.

So these last few days of December, it seems, will be about getting back to work, and planning for the future. Making some schedules for workouts. Planning our meals. Cleaning out the house. And of course, deciding who I want to be, the year I turn 33.

Okay. That's it. It's getting late and rumor has it that tomorrow, I'm supposed to be a grown up.  But before I leave, here is a picture of me that I thought would be awesome if only I had glasses. So I got some glasses. Now I'm judging you. You're welcome.
Nighty night, friends of mine!

*I'm so, so sorry Christmas. I didn't mean it. Please don't leave me.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

ZOMG IT'S ALMOST 2016. A reflection.

It's just after 8pm. The kids are in bed. They're not asleep, not by a long shot, but they're in bed. Deep, cleansing breath.

I should really take up yoga.

So don't be horribly shocked, but for the sixth year in a row, it's coming up on the new year, and I decided to get back to blogging. And it feels cliche. But then you know what? Who cares. The thing is, I like the New Year.  I like reflection. I like reassessment. And I like making resolutions. So I'm here, and so I'm gonna, and you're just gonna need to deal with it. Happy friggin New Year and all.

And as far as reflection goes, wow. 2015 has been like wow. The last post on here is from July. Since July,
we traveled to Idaho.
we bought a minivan.
we started homeschooling with a new group, where I get to teach a small group of kids once a week.
we went through the whole soccer season.
we threw birthday parties for 3 of our kids.
we therapied.
we Halloweened.
we Thanksgivinged.
we Christmased.
we... I gained a bunch of weight.
and for the biggest surprise change of the year, we got a whole new human.

Our foster daughter has been with us full time for over 4 months now. I can't show you a picture until adoption is finalized, which, thanks to the legendary lightning speed of government, won't be for many many more months. But I did decide to start giving people a "feel" for our family, by turning our newest addition into our ninja-est addition. Now it's not creepy. Now it's totally cool.
Christmas morning around the tree. Everyone looks a little nuts and no one is really sitting still. Because Real Life, folks.
It's been a year of change. New experiences for us. New activities. A schedule packed so full of work and appointments and social workers and court dates and education and church and sports that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. And also? It's really noisy. I have to learn how to relax around noisy. And the messy. And the crazy. Ooooh the crazy.

And it seems in the midst of this life change, I have, to use a term the kids are saying these days, "let myself go", or "gotten really super fat again". I don't know. It's all very technical.

But I don't feel bad about it. Cuz the way I figure it, I basically had a new baby. Just... a peculiarly tall new baby, with a suprising grasp on the English language and a passion for all things Frozen. BUT THE POINT IS THAT I HAD A BABY.  And I always get fat when I have a baby. That's to be expected. The baby wanted ice cream and hamburgers. And really, I only gained like, 15-20 pounds. So, if you think about it, best baby ever.

We've been adjusting. We've been learning how to live our new life, learning how to fit in our new person and our new responsibilities, and how to do life now. And I guess, I found that transitioning was just a little easier with some extra padding. I need it for protection. The world is a dangerous place.

But now we're over 4 months in, the holidays are winding down, and we're starting our new year off as a family of 6. Still learning. Still adjusting. Still changing. But it's time to take the training wheels of self-indulgence off. It's time for me to work a little harder, and to get back in shape.

We're having our last family Christmas celebration of the season tomorrow, and I have 8 more presents to wrap before bed tonight.  Also, for all my hard work with the present-wrapping and the joy-providing, I intend to reward myself. I will eat and drink and be oh so merry. I'll check in on January first with some starter picks, the official jumping off weight, the plans for change and I'm sure more than a few tears and WHY OH WHY DID I EVER LET IT GET THIS BAD!?! but I have a few more days of indulgence to go, so I'm not there yet. Because there's this new thing I learned this year: Sometimes you can even just get fat on purpose.

Bet you didn't see that one coming.

Merry Christmas, friends. Indulge, rest, love, and joy all over the place. Because by the end of this week, ladies and gents, it is GO time. But for right now, I'm gonna go Christmas a lil bit more.

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