Tuesday, December 29, 2015

3 more days till diet means I'm not currently on a diet.

Yeah. Second Dinner. Bet you didn't even know that was a thing. I made it a thing.

Obviously, I'm going a little crazy with the fat thing and the eating thing. I'm just really going about this whole plan in a different way than ever before. Last time I went on a diet, I spent the last week before the diet "began" trying to eat a little better and work out more regularly to prepare. So that my before stats wouldn't be so bad.  But it has since occurred to me that this is a really lame way to go about dieting. Because life can't ALL be about restrictive living. So this week, I'm eating all the junk that I won't be touching for 3 weeks.... 6 weeks.... 20 weeks... something weeks. Whatever it takes to get me to lose about 30 pounds. 30 pounds weeks.

Anyway the point is, restriction is coming. And I intend to do restriction AWESOME. I plan to get up early and exercise before work, I plan to grill chicken so I've got lean protein to eat every day for lunch, I plan to be INCREDIBLE at it. You'll all be impressed, I assure you. But I'm not there yet. Right now, I'm being incredible at candy and sourdough and coffee creamer.  I'm "enjoying my last cigarette", as it were. Except it's not a cigarette. I tried one of those once and I hated it. THAT was my last cigarette. It's a metaphor, you see? My cigarette is like... chocolate. Or some kind of giant pile of carbohydrates. With candy on it. And also ice cream.

So there you have it. Publicly and unapologetically, getting chunkier on purpose. Well... sort of on purpose. But with deliberate action, so I guess yeah, on purpose.

But I think there's a good diet thing here. (As I'm writing this I am also eating another Rolo and 2 more Hershey's kisses. I am not ashamed. Even though I totally should be but whatever.) Anyway, yeah, I think this is a good diet thing. I am putting myself out there. I am letting you know how bad this got so that I am freaking accountable to be a better human in 2016. Because if I don't, you'll just be left knowing how disgusting I am. Because ferreals, there's a chance I head back to the kitchen for a few more chocolate things.

So there you have it, folks. Being disgusting now, so that I can be super not disgusting later. It's science, let me assure you.

Also science: the picture that has me the most excited to get to the weight losing.

3 short weeks of diet and exercise. Actual visible results. And shoot, just imagine what 3 months would do! Hashtag Bikini Bodies, Y'all!!

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