Saturday, November 24, 2012


I have really big ears.  And they stick out a lot.  If you haven't noticed it's because A, you haven't met me in human form, B, you are a forgiving person who chooses not to focus on the physical quirks of others, or C, I also have a giant, basket-ball shaped head which puts my satellite ears into some perspective.

Just the same, the ears are there.  I assure you.  Get used to it.

It used to be a big problem for me.  It's hard to feel pretty as a teenaged girl when you also feel way too much like Dumbo the flying elephant.  I was exuberant when I learned of a surgery they can do that actually removes some cartilage to make your ears lie more flatly against your head.  I'd never considered plastic surgery, but if they can do something about the ears....

I was also terrified I'd pass this jean on.  I had a recurring nightmare when I was pregnant with my daughter, where we got a sonogram done, and all we could see was that goofy MAD Magazine kid smiling back at us.

I don't remember consciously worrying about my kids coming out looking like this, but my subconscious was certainly fixated on that fear.

And as a side note, guess what?  Both my kids were born with normal, flat against their heads ears.  And then with in a few days, both kids' ears stuck out and flopped over a bit at the top.  I have two absolutely beautiful little children with the world's most sad little puppy dog ears.  They're going to blame me for it one day.  I'm going to have to remind them that this is an affliction we share, not one I chose for them.

Anyway, there is a point to all of this. The point is this little secret that I have, and that I've mostly kept for almost 20 years.  And that secret is this:  Sometimes I dig my crazy big ears.  Sometimes I wear my hair to showcase them, I purposefully allow them to peek through.  And at those times I don't think "goofy and ridiculous", I think "...elf".  And no, not like a Santa's little helpers thing, like an ageless, mystical, immortal being.  This weekend we're having our annual LOTR watching marathon, and it got me thinking.  So the past few days, the picture of myself in my head looks a little less like MAD TV, and a little bit more like this:

Those elf-chicks are pretty hot.

That being said, it's kind of fun to learn how to NOT take yourself so seriously.  It's fun to learn how to poke fun of yourself and enjoy some of your own quirkiness.  And hey, you might realize that your silly clownish parts are actually sexy-elf parts too.

Now that being said, I also have some pretty sizable feet, and  the Hobbits have pointy ears too.

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