I'm dead. I’m dead. I’m dying, I’m dead.

This weekend was, well, different from expected. We got a surprise date night on Friday which was wonderful, then took a surprise trip to the emergency room on Saturday morning when the 2 year old took a dive from his car seat into the Target parking lot. This was not wonderful. He’s fine. Despite the horrible sound it made, my child’s skull did not split exactly in half like I’d imagined. Despite the fact that he looks pretty much exactly like you’d expect for a kid who went six rounds with a Target parking lot, 90 minutes after it happened, he was back to his old self, jumping and laughing and screaming and trying to find something else to crack his skull open on.

I’m not sure if my youngest child will survive his adolescence. I’m even less certain that I will survive his adolescence.

Emotional distress (ie: the constant state of motherhood), plus general exhaustion,  plus junk food in the house for the Super Bowl, turned into a cheat weekend instead of a cheat day.  As of today, my brain is a buzzy fuzzy exhausted mess, and as of this morning, I'd gained 5 pounds since Friday. Which puts my NET 2016 weight loss at less than 4 total pounds. So that’s sad.  But today is Monday, and not only am I back on track, but I left my salad with chicken and an orange on the side lunch at home today. Apparently Starvation Monday is my penance for Bad Behavior Sunday.

Anyhoozit, today, not only am I super fatso, but I also find myself staring down the barrel of  a (probably) 7 million dollar emergency room visit, and realizing it’s not just my diet I need to get in line. It’s also my budget. Now I feel like I'm the one who smashed my face into the pavement.

Dude, being a grown up is soooooooo haaaaaaaaaaard.

My honest self says that, since the addition of our new addition, I’ve been overly indulgent with our monthly income. Which is my way of saying, I spend money on things we don’t really need to make them or we or me feel better, and "adjust" to this new change. New clothes and toys and junk food help with that, doncha know. Also, I’m far too tired to budget like a grown up. Because ugh, come on, it’s soooooooo haaaaaaard.

But just like with my waist line, it’s time to come out of our life-change fog, and stop with the extras, stop with the junk spending, and start being my own grown up task master. NO you will not eat junk food! NO you will not spend money on things you don’t absolutely need! YES you will live on a tight budget that allows you to save up money and meet the goals you need to as a family! Goals like paying off debt, saving up for a little trip for our 10^th anniversary this spring, and putting money away for kids college and our own retirement will not loom like unachievable future dreams, but will instead be actual parts of our month-to-month plans! Because THAT IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE, STUPID.

UGH. Fine, Grown Up Ashley. Geez, you’re such a pain in the posterior sometimes. All I wanted was a freaking cookie and a nap.

JUST THE SAME, I would like it to be known to... I don't know, you, probably, that I didn't go home after work and eat a cookie and take a nap. NOPE. I ran 7.08 freakin miles, thank you very much. I am sore. But it was beautiful. 

Before picture. Hence the sweat-free smiling face.

Also? It is beautiful out. I normally get grumpy when I can already wear a tank top in February (the summer here is oppressive, the winter basically nonexistent) but it was amazing today. Beautiful. Incredible. You can't be grumpy on a day like today.

See? No grumpies here.