Thursday, February 4, 2016

Quit Faced.

A while ago I was watching one of those weight loss shows. Don't judge me. I find them inspirational, and I need what I can get. A woman who'd undergone gastric bypass and lost a couple hundred pounds felt suddenly discouraged when she realized she was still too heavy to do an activity she'd been planning with her husband.

"I was so embarrassed. I was so discouraged," She said. "I just wanted to quit."

Now I have BEEN THERE. Okay, no, I haven't had bypass surgery and I haven't had the success of losing hundreds of pounds, but man, yes, I have certainly found myself, a third of the way, half of the way, something-th of the way to my goal, and just ready to give up. So I'm not judging this lady in her point of distress. But it did leave me wondering... what, exactly, was she planning on quitting?

She was discouraged because, despite all her success, she was feeling the ramifications of the weight she still had to lose. Working your butt off and finding that, your butt is not in fact off, is super, freaking discouraging. And that can so very make you want to quit. But I looked at her and thought, "you're discouraged because you're still heavy. Quitting your hard work will only make you heavier. So what, really, can you quit?"

For some reason, this week has been hard on me. I can't pin down the reason exactly, there haven't been more stressors than normal, I even hit a new low weight on Tuesday (153.0) so you'd think that would be really encouraging. But truth be told, I feel fatigued. I want snacks. I just really want to quit.

But like my television friend, I'm on my way, but I still have a long way to go. Yesterday, today, I want to quit so hard, right into a bag of potato chips. OR even better, into one of the bags of chocolate chips left in the cupboard from the holidays. I want to eat. I don't want to exercise. I want to eat junk food and read novels and stop trying, whilst still being heavier than I'd like.

Now if I make that choice, the quit-faced choice, I don't get to stay here. I had to work to get to 153. If I eat and sit and make those other choices, I will weigh far, far, far more.

So quitting on the diet isn't an option. Quitting on the diet means getting heavier. Getting lazier. It means going back to when I got winded playing with my kids, or felt uncomfortable sleeping, bending, sitting, pretty much everything-ing. Quitting on a diet means quitting on my life. And despite having a rough week, I'm not exactly ready to do that quite yet.

 Life gets really, amazingly difficult sometimes. Today, for example, is really amazingly difficult. Top ten list level stuff. I can't tell you why because of... reasons, but trust me, UUUUGGGGGHHHH. But you don't get to quit because it's hard. You don't get to quit your job, you don't get to quit on your home, your family, your friends, or your kids (unless you want a one way trip to the federal pen). This is all part of being a grown-ed up. So it's big girl panties time, my friends. Hike 'em up, and move it on, because quitting is simply not a choice.

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