Happy New Month's Eve!

Today is the finalest day of the firstest month of 2016. I began this year at a startling 162.0 pounds. Yesterday, best weigh-in of the year, was 153.8.  Today was worse. But I did nothing to deserve that, besides being awesome with my diet and doing a double shift of exercise, so whatever. The scale can bite me.

Today's truth? Feeling a little fat. I've been working hard to ignore the fact that I'm still 9-10 pounds heavier than...ALERT: Pausing a moment for Awesome.

My kids and I seem to have all gotten a cold, so we're home, ditching church, and instead watching The Avengers for the second time this weekend. They like the Hulk. They think it's cool that Thor and Loki are brothers. They think Black Widow is awesome. They wish there was more fighting and less talking. But more importantly, I just had this conversation with New Addition:

NA: "Mommy, what's that guy's name?"
Me: "That's Hawkeye."
NA: "Oh, okay."
Madelyn: "Wait, who is that?"
NA: "His name is Hot Guy."
Me: "....Yeah, that works too."
Because, it seems, you're never too young to pick your favorite spandexed stud muffin.

Now we will return to our regularly scheduled gripe session. So right. I'm trying to ignore the fact that I'm still like 9-10 pounds heavier than I was at the end of August. Back when even my tight pants didn't leave me fretting about my inevitable muffin top. Back when my tight pants were, in fact, just called "my pants".

I remember why I gained the weight. Not like weight gain was the actual goal or anything, but I remember that I was emotionally overextended and exhausted and stressed out and overwhelmed and exhausted and exhausted, and I remember that I chose to set aside my diet and exercise regimen for a time, while I adjusted to new life.  None of this was an accident. I made a choice, for good or for ill, and now I'm living in that consequence.

As of yesterday, I'd lost 8.2 pounds for the month. I don't really care who you are, 8.2 pounds in a month is great. That's solid, I-can-feel-this-in-my-skinny-jeans level change.  And though I hate the fact that I'm still over 150 (and probably will be for at least another couple of weeks), I'm better than I was. Yes, over the fall, I made a choice. That choice gained me 18 pounds. But January first, I made another choice. If I hadn't made that choice, I'd almost certainly still be over 160, and may have even gained another 3-5 pounds this month.  Instead of weighing 165, I weigh under 155. Instead of feeling like a chunky failure, I feel like a slightly-less-chunky person on the road to success. I've lost 31% of the weight I set out to lose for this year. I am 31% finished with losing a marathon. Which is great. Still not "there", But, you know, closer. Closer. Ever closer.

Anyway, the kids declare it's Spiderman time. Apparently, we're very over DC these days. Marvel or die, friends. Marvel or die.

The Case of the Mondays

And somehow, it’s Monday again.

Sometimes I love the weekend. This weekend, for example, I worked out a bunch on Saturday morning, then we brought the kids to my mom, and went out on a 10 hour long date. We saw Revenant. We walked to Dickey’s BBQ for dinner. We watched Brooklyn. We walked to Starbucks for some coffee. We watched Trumbo.  We got home a little after midnight, and fell quickly into a film-induced coma.  It felt like we were kids. At least, it felt like we didn’t HAVE any kids. And that, my friends, was a good time.

Last time I wrote, I was talking about my new resolution toward balance. Balance. And I’m still kind of stuck on that, so I’m gonna say a little bit more. Work can be exhausting. Kids can be exhausting. Homeschooling, things I’ve volunteered for, and house cleaning, and grocery shopping, and staying on top of bills and doctor’s appointments, and therapy sessions, and kids activities can be exhausting. Today for example: 8 hours of work, plus about 3 hours of driving between clients AT that work, then I have to go grocery shopping, and then at home, I need to prep for our homeschool group tomorrow, and exercise, because today I slept in till 6:30 and didn’t get a work out in. And oh right, the 3 year old has been complaining that his shoes don’t fit anymore. So… I need to go to Target? Maybe Walmart because it’s closer. Or maybe he can just squish his toes back for another few days. Or maybe no exercise. And of course, 8am tomorrow morning, we have to go DO the homeschool group.  And on and on and on we go.

I know I sound super domestic and whiney right now (Ugh. I have kids and a job and grocery shopping??? How does she do it?!)

I don’t know. That’s the answer. I DON’T KNOW how she does it.

Please, if you can get past the barfiness of that moment real quick, hear that I’m not really griping about my own life.  I promise. I’m just saying that life, as a thing, is just exhausting. That’s how life do.

I heard somewhere that real rest comes, not from doing nothing, but from doing something different. And the benefit I’ve got in life right now is that, I have a million options for that something different. Because kids is different from work, and different from teaching, and different from cleaning, and different from meetings, and different from groceries and different from exercise. I’m not sure that it’s really true, I’ll be honest. Stuff is stuff, and rest really feels most like rest. But I can tell you this: When you can watch a movie at the theater any day of the week, it’s not as special as when you get a free day and watch as many as you can. When you sleep in every day, a stolen hour in the morning isn’t worth the time. On the contrary, when you’re busy, when you work, when you accomplish, the rest, though rare, is sweeter than honey. Because why, you ask? Because BALANCE, that's why. Boom. Topical. Nailed it again, Maestro.

The sort of end to the 21 Day Fix: BALANCE

Like with yoga and, wait for it... with LIFE.

Yesterday was officially day 22. Meaning: Yesterday my 21 day fix was over, and I SHOULD have posted a bunch of after pics and measurements and cheered what 3 weeks did to change my world.

But I didn't. Doesn't speak to a lot of confidence, does it?

How this 21 days went: Strep throat. Migraine headache.The end.

What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that for 12 days of this Fix, I didn't exercise. For a few of those days, I barely even moved.  I've been great with the diet in the day to day, but have also taken off for a couple of meals the last 2 weekends. Like, not any full bad "days", but a bad dinner, with a bad lunch the following day. Something like that. In the end, I don't feel like I've done enough yet to constitute any sort of "after" pictures. Instead, my new plan is to do every month pictures. On "The Months" tab, I will post my monthly weigh-ins along with my pictures and measurement changes. That way, there will be a comprehensive picture of how the year is going, and I will feel additionally motivated not to get lazy in the first few months of the year, as is my wont.

Just the same, as of THIS morning (you can see my Friday weigh-ins in the "The Weeks" tab, if you're interested) I weighed 154.6.

So in the last 3 weeks and 1 day, I have lost 7.4 pounds. I've lost about an inch and a half on my waist (hoping that will crank up now that I'm back into exercise), and up to an inch in a few other places. Today will be my 9th sequential day of return to exercise, and it better be a doozy, because tonight is date night, and I fully intend to eat delicious and unhealthy foods.

I know my diet isn't exactly perfectly 21 Day Fix sanctioned. I've cut back on diet soda, but I haven't at all cut it out. Somedays I have too much salad dressing. And speaking of, I'm not making those salad dressings, I'm very carefully choosing ones that are low in fat, and more importantly, low in sugar. I've found some great yogurt based dressings that seem relatively healthy. And like I said, I've decided to give myself 1 or 2 cheat meals a week. But in doing those things, in being 80-90% diet appropriate instead of 100%, I almost don't feel at all like I'm on any sort of restrictive diet. I'm eating healthier. I'm cooking healthier. I found a 21 Day fix marinara sauce recipe that even my kids think is AMAZING. The best part of this diet, in my opinion, is it teaches you balance. Eat a good amount of vegetables every day. Stop defaulting to carbs, because you shouldn't have many of those. Cut the sugar. Cut the sugar. Cut the sugar.

Sure, I've had times, like when I was supposed to bake cookies for a church function this past week, where I felt sad about my diet and me. (I decided spending a few bucks on store bought cookies was worth the expense, that the church kids wouldn't notice, and I wouldn't be in-your-face tempted unto failing with cookie dough. That's called making good life choices.) But for the most part, I feel fine. I'm making it work. I'm finding a balance that works for me, for today, with my diet and exercise and the rest of my life. I'm back to exercising every day, and if you want to judge me for my lack of perfections, remember that I have lost 7.4 pounds in just over 3 weeks, so I'm kind of the expert here, thank you very much.

GOOD NEWS. For my personal Lose a Marathon challenge, I have 18.8 pounds to go, and am losing at a pace that should have me there by my April 1st goal date! 26.2 is a LOT of pounds to lose. And even though I'm on track, almost 19 is STILL a lot of pounds to lose. I absolutely definitely think I may have been overly ambitious in my middle of the night goal setting, but I'm on track so far, so we'll keep working it at and just see how it goes.

Happy Saturday, friends. Time for me to go exercise a bunch a burn off the hamburger and french fries I may or may not be planning to eat tonight. (I am. I am planning to. Shh. Don't tell anyone.)

Is your toothbrush trying to kill you? Why you should always keep a gun in the bathroom, full story, at 11.

I got the antibiotics on Monday, January 4. By Tuesday afternoon, I was really starting to turn a corner. By last Friday, I had a sore throat again.

So Sunday morning, at 6am, on our way out the door to church, (where I was singing on praise team for 2 services), I asked Internet why my Strep throat went away and then decided to come back. And according to Internet? The answer is my toothbrush.

So, my toothbrush is trying to kill me.

More accurately, my toothbrush is holding Strep throat, just for safe keeping, and then giving it back to me twice a day when I brush my teeth.  Like a friendly dude just trying to help me out. “Here friend! You gave this to me earlier, so I held on to it, now you can have it back! Hope you like it!”

I don’t like it, stupid toothbrush. I really, really don’t like it.

According to Internet, what you SHOULD do when you get strep throat is throw away a million toothbrushes. One use, then into the bin.  Which feels outrageously wasteful, but seeing as today, for the first time in 2 weeks, I woke up without a sore throat, so we’re calling it a win.

Now for some things: Today, 2 weeks into The Weight Loss of 2016, 157.4.

So:

4.6 pounds lost

1 inch lost on the waist

1 inch lost in booty town

and some other stuff too! Less in the arms and legs, but 1, basically no exercise due to sickness and a 2 day long migraine I’m just walking out of make me not terribly surprised by this. 

There is no 2. Sorry I just said 1.

BUT. Again, the diet has been amazingly consistent (despite that hamburger I ate last Saturday. It was good.) And I exercised, today, so I think I’m off on a better track. Sorry for the lacks of updates.

Happy weekend, friends, oh and yeah:

21.6 pounds to go!!

I HAVE AN AWESOME IDEA.

I DO INDEED HAVE AN AWESOME IDEA. But I'll get to that in a second.

Update. Diet is great. Well, diet is painful and makes me sad. Especially since I started diet on a Friday, and then had to be around... you know... the weekend, and this amazing wedding where we made the video, and there was a table covered in giant glass containers filled with chocolates, and people who walk into your personal space to offer you a giant tray of delicious cake all night that I didn't get to have. Which was mean. You should be able to wear some kind of patch or something so that the trays of cake people know not to treat you like a normal human, and so then I don't have to dig my fingernails into my palms and cry a bunch at strangers.

Ehem. Point is that, thus far, dieting has gone consistently. I'm getting pretty bomb at dieting. 

Workouts, on the other hand, have gone thusly:

Friday: 30 minute work out video and 5 mile run.  It was awesome. I was awesome.

Saturday: Diiiiidn't exactly exercise, really was not feeling well, and then there was the whole wedding job thingy, so ... I didn't.

Sunday: Felt pretty miserable and exhausted all day, but got in a 4 mile jog in the evening. Felt great on the run. Felt like I might die by way of sore throat after the run.

Monday: Went to work. Immediately left work and went to the clinic instead. Got diagnosed with Strep Throat. Went home and moved into bed. No exercise. Lived in the bed.

In FACT, I haven't exercised a single time this week! I did go out to some stuff at church on Wednesday, and at one point ran to my car to get something, but that made me feel like dying, so I think I'm going to continue this non-exercising plan until I'm more fully mended. Or less lazy. Somewhere in there, for sure. Maybe Saturday.

But on to my awesome idea, and that is MARATHON.  I was lying in bed just now, not sleeping, and thinking about the fact that tomorrow is my weigh in day, and wondering exactly what my goal weight should be. I decided 136 and toned sounded like a good goal. Which made me realize I have to lose 26  pounds from my starting weight. Which is a marathon of pounds. Which made me think of this time back in to 2012 when, after giving birth to numero dos, I was in a "lose a marathon" challenge, where we all tried to lose 26.2 pounds in 13 weeks. And I totally nailed it, so I think, heck, let's do that again! So then I calculated out 13 weeks, and that would be April 1, which WHOA, is  the month of the 5 year anniversary of that time when I ran a half marathon. Guys. Guys. Listen, guys. THIS IS AMAZING.  Also??? losing 26.2 total pounds would actually put me at 135.8, officially my lowest married person weight. WOW. Everything is perfect.

So I'm absolutely definitely doing this now. I made up my own challenge, and it is amazing, so it is happening. I got so excited, that even though it's way after midnight and I'm supposed to be recovering from illness, I went and photoshopped a THIS:

This is my official challenge badge!! I'm posting it to the blog as my pledge to lose 26.2 pounds in the first 13 weeks of 2016. If you'd like to join me, please feel free to steal the badge and post it wherever your awesome lives. Because let's be honest, 6:30am me is going to be very upset with everything that transpired hours after I was supposed to be asleep tonight, and a little solidarity would make me feel a lot better!

Alright. gooood night, dearest friends. Check in tomorrow for some Week 1 results!

P.S. I'm also thinking part of this challenge means I should run another 13 miles this coming April. Because I haven't run that far since 5 years ago, this coming April. But I don't yet want to make too many promises that my 6:30am self is going to be angry about.

Okay now good night for reals.

This is the New Year. Reality Bites.

Honest moment: I've been avoiding writing this post for most of the last hour.  I uploaded the pictures I took earlier today. I was unhappy, because everything is worse than I thought, and the pictures made me grumpy. So I made tea. And perused the internet. I used my last protein serving of the day to have some Greek yogurt because I was hungry. Played some WordBrain.  Watched some crappy TV.

The thing is, I enjoy writing this blog. I enjoy writing it, I'm quite certain, more than anyone out there enjoys reading it. There've been dozens of times where it was the thing I did when I was avoiding doing something else. Buuuuut then there's tonight. So rip it off like a bandaid, here's my grumpy stuff, this is what I look like on January 1, 2015.

I'm disappointed with myself for being grumpy right now. I had this whole "thing" I was doing today, this thing about rising above, about being happy and cheery and accepting my choices, and most importantly learning to like myself in whatever iteration I happen to visit. See, I have this tendency to be super binary about my feelings about myself. If I weigh less than 150, I'm happy with me. If I weigh more than 155, I am distinctly UNhappy with me. If I weight between 150 and 155... I give myself the stink-eye. You watch your growing butt, 150-155 me.

I really hate that I'm this shallow with myself. I don't hate other people based on the presence or lack of gooey jelly belly. I reserve that judgement for  myself. But I decided that I wanted to be a bigger person (whaddapching) today, and not get all stupid grumpy about my weight.

But here I am, and I'm grumpy. 

162.0 pounds today. 162 pounds of grumpy.

I did well today. It was hard to walk past the left over candies, and it was hard to avoid snacking. My diet's been so bad lately, that my body is used to a distinctly higher number of calories than I had today.  My body thinks it's hungry. But despite the scary temptations, I did quite well! I stuck to the diet, did the work out video, and chased it down with a 5 mile run. BOOM FOR ME, YO. 

So this is the bad part. The hard part. The ugly pictures and the big number part. This is just day 1. 2016 has a bunch more of these puppies in store, and I'm going to rock them all. 

Night friends!!