Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Google me, baby

I absolutely, completely, aggressively, and sometimes outright violently, love the people who read this blog.  Especially, I love the people who read this blog because Google suggested that they do so.  And most of all, I love the things they were looking for that lead them to me as a person of great authority.  So in celebration of this wonderful and terrible love that I have, and since I am so very willing to expose myself, I thought it was about time that I expose some of you as well.  Or at the very least, expose some of your Google searches.

So, as a Hump Day present for us all, these are some of the most common things that people are searching for (yes, these are the EXACT things that people search for) when they find us here at EISY.

Please to enjoy.
1) Sleepy cat. --APPARENTLY, cats are pretty popular on the internet.  And apparently, sleeping cats are the best cats.  "Sleepy cat" is how most people who stumble upon my blog find my blog.  Not far down the list is "Exhausted cat".  I am a little sad here that I'm not reaching my target demographics, but I'm also not above exploiting adorable pictures of sleeping felines from the internet in order to gain more traffic.  So you're welcome.

2) Trekkies trekkers. --An important distinction.  I hope these searchers learned something.

3) Sexy trekkies.  --And really, aren't they all??

4) Chubby College Freshmen. --Husband's response to this search: "Boy aren't they going to be disappointed.  You aren't even IN college anymore."

5) Long Toenails. --... Really?  Geez, I already felt self conscious about my feet, now Google also suggests that I have unhygienic nails. I am not helped by this information.

6) Exercise to fix sad bellybutton face. --This is my absolute favoritist Googler.  Because they look in the mirror EXACTLY how I look in the mirror, and they ALSO want their tummy to cheer up.  I wish this person and or people well.

7) I took a shot of apple cider vinegar... --I didn't get to read the rest of this search because it was too long, but I assume it said something along the lines of "and then my stomach jumped out of my throat and choked me to death with my small intestine as punishment.  Because that was a really really stupid thing to do."  But that's just my personal experience.

8) Lady Gaga Cider Vinegar Shots. --I'm not sure if this is a thing, but it sounds OUTRAGEOUSLY terrible.  I hope this Googler makes better life choices in the future.

9) Self respect? Nope its long gone. --Yep.  Those are actually the words someone typed into a Google search.  And then Google said, "YES.  I know EXACTLY what you're looking for.  Either this blog or the suicide hotline, take your pick." Make matters even awesomer? I HAVE BEEN FOUND FOUR SEPARATE TIMES WITH THIS EXACT SAME SEARCH. Which either means that lots of people question Google about their own self respect, or it's just one very sad person with a very bad memory.

10) Winco Babes. --Welcome to my blog.  I am a Winco Babe.  Happy to meet you.

11) Crazy college girls. --Go away, you are lost, and probably a really gross pervert.

Lastly, occasionally people actually type in something related to the name of my blog in order to actually find my blog.  In fact, some people just type the full name of my blog into the search bar instead of the address bar, just to see if they can confuse Google, it would seem.  But you can't confuse Google, because Google knows.  Yes... Google knows.

Anyway, hope you're all having a grand ol' evening, thanks for reading, I think it is very nice that you stopped by.  And remember, keep Googling, because even though it sounds like something you should have to do penance for tomorrow, it's really just a reminder of how super hilarious every single human has the potential to be.  Google on, dear friends. Google on.


  1. Love this! I especially like exercise to fix sad bellybutton face. Amazing! I expect your next post to actually be an exercise to fix this. ;-)

    1. Man, if I knew an exercise to fix this... Well, I guess then my belly button wouldn't look so sad. :-)

  2. Question - how do you know what was Googled for people to find you? That's hilarious! Must make you want to meet the people who'd actually type those into Google (or not meet them... actually stay very far away from them! Freaks lol).

    1. Under your stats, if you look at your Traffic, you'll find the list of searches. And yeah... sometimes those searches seem a little too creepy for me. :-)

    2. Heh interesting. Learn something new every day ;)

  3. Oh my god, these made me crack up!! WAY too funny!! Some of the things we google are pretty insane, I gotta say. I feel like I'm getting old, I have to google stuff my little sister says all the time.


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