Friday, January 1, 2016

This is the New Year. Reality Bites.

Honest moment: I've been avoiding writing this post for most of the last hour.  I uploaded the pictures I took earlier today. I was unhappy, because everything is worse than I thought, and the pictures made me grumpy. So I made tea. And perused the internet. I used my last protein serving of the day to have some Greek yogurt because I was hungry. Played some WordBrain.  Watched some crappy TV.

The thing is, I enjoy writing this blog. I enjoy writing it, I'm quite certain, more than anyone out there enjoys reading it. There've been dozens of times where it was the thing I did when I was avoiding doing something else. Buuuuut then there's tonight. So rip it off like a bandaid, here's my grumpy stuff, this is what I look like on January 1, 2015.

I'm disappointed with myself for being grumpy right now. I had this whole "thing" I was doing today, this thing about rising above, about being happy and cheery and accepting my choices, and most importantly learning to like myself in whatever iteration I happen to visit. See, I have this tendency to be super binary about my feelings about myself. If I weigh less than 150, I'm happy with me. If I weigh more than 155, I am distinctly UNhappy with me. If I weight between 150 and 155... I give myself the stink-eye. You watch your growing butt, 150-155 me.

I really hate that I'm this shallow with myself. I don't hate other people based on the presence or lack of gooey jelly belly. I reserve that judgement for  myself. But I decided that I wanted to be a bigger person (whaddapching) today, and not get all stupid grumpy about my weight.

But here I am, and I'm grumpy. 

162.0 pounds today. 162 pounds of grumpy.

I did well today. It was hard to walk past the left over candies, and it was hard to avoid snacking. My diet's been so bad lately, that my body is used to a distinctly higher number of calories than I had today.  My body thinks it's hungry. But despite the scary temptations, I did quite well! I stuck to the diet, did the work out video, and chased it down with a 5 mile run. BOOM FOR ME, YO. 

So this is the bad part. The hard part. The ugly pictures and the big number part. This is just day 1. 2016 has a bunch more of these puppies in store, and I'm going to rock them all

Night friends!!

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