Saturday, July 23, 2011

Me 'n my sad little friend :-(

Fun news flash!  This weekend, I found something new about my body that makes me feel completely and utterly depressed.  Not just because I don't like it, and not because it reminds me how infrequently I'm working out.  No.  It's because well, it's my belly button.  And it's sad.

I've only recently discovered my belly button, which is why this is a sudden news flash, and I haven't had to deal with it for years now.  A significant portion of Friday afternoon was spent with my family on a backyard Slip 'n Slide.  Yes, side note, we own a Slip 'n Slide, even though our daughter isn't even 2 yet.  But for your information, we owned it long before she was ever born.  Oh, and this is the SECOND one we bought since we've been married.  So what.  We like to Slide.

So somewhere between chucking my daughter and myself down that slippery wet awesomeness, it seems I lost my belly button ring.  Don't cringe, it didn't hurt.  Everyone always cringes, but truly I didn't even notice till I found a portion of the ring lying at my feet.

Here I probably need to stop.  Yes, I have a pierced navel.  I did that with my roommates about 9 1/2 years ago.  No, I didn't have a sexy stomach then.  No, I don't have a sexy stomach now, and no where in the middle did I ever have a sexy stomach.  In the beginning we did it because it felt crazy and fun, like getting a tattoo that you could just pop out when you were done with it.  Later it became a thing where, well to be frank, my stomach looks better pierced than not-pierced.  Especially now, because due to fatness and post-pregnancy sagginess, my belly button is sad.

I think a really good belly button would always look somewhat surprised.

See how it stands there, gaping, open-mouthed at the sun?  It's beautiful.  It's filled with wonder and enjoyment.  Now that is a nice, surprised belly button.

This, on the other hand, is a sad belly button.  Notice how it is pucker faced and droopy.  It is not happy.  It is not going to gaze into the sunlight with awe-struck wonder.  It is going to hide beneath as many clothes as it could find, and it is going to pout.  Because that is what sad belly buttons do.

No, before you ask, this is not my belly button.  My belly button is less puckered and less droopy, but larger than this one.  Like a deep, gaping maw in the middle of my body.  I think it might possibly reach my spine.

Point being, I don't like my belly button.  I look at its sad little droopy face and I feel depressed.  Cheer up, ol' friend!  All is not lost!  Maybe I'll lose some weight and you'll be a little flatter, maybe even less droopy!  Or shoot, maybe I'll save up some money and have someone cut off you and the rest of my lower abdomen and have someone make me a new belly button.  A better belly button.  One that looks like the center of a sunshine, like it might just start singing cheery songs to me when I'm feeling blue.  Yes, I think this might be the plan.

But for now, I'm stuck with my old depressing belly button.  I'm tempted to get a new ring and hide him, but I know now that this is just a bandaid, a sad little mask hiding me from the truth.  For now, though, here's something to look at while I make the final decision: a belly button with a Harrison Ford smirk.

Hope you have a cheery-belly day!!

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