On my way to losing a marathon!

Friday, July 22, 2011

OooOOooooh Love Hurts

Shane and I got married a little over 5 years ago.  Just like most people on their wedding days, I felt very much caught up in the wonder and blessing of that moment.  FINALLY.  Finally, we get to stand before our friends, before God, and commit every one of our tomorrows to each other.  Finally we get to be together, be each other's family, to start our own life.  Finally, we get to be together, in love, forever.

Forever.  Now that's a crock.

Amidst the beauty and wonder of that amazing day, amidst the promises of love and commitment to each other and to God, I distinctly remember staring into the eyes of the man I loved and thinking one very clear thought:  This is NOT going to end well.

Now, I should probably say here, that when Shane and I said till death do us part, we meant it.  For better or worse, for happy about it or kicking and screaming, till DEATH do us part.  And that, my friends, is the real problem here.  We're not going to get a divorce.  Ever.  It's simply not an option, I-absolutely-do-not-care-what-happens-along-the-way-you-are-stuck-with-me-so-suck-it-Shane.  (You know, we didn't come out and say it, but I think the "Suck it" was really implied in our vows.)  But that fact, unfortunately, does not exactly guarantee you a happily ever after.  Death still happens.  As a woman, I've got a greater than 50% chance of outliving my spouse.  I do not like those odds.

Oh, and having kids, that's even worse.  I have a daughter.  She's almost two, and she's absolutely adorable.  She spends most of her day playing and giggling and making statements like, "Oh, you funny", "I loooooove Mommy" and "I looooooove Daddy".  She is rock freakin awesome and she makes my life like, 1000 times better.  But I will lose her.  WILL.  Even if she survives to a ripe old age, long past the day when I pass on, I will lose her.  She'll move away.  She'll get married.  She's certain to stop talking to me entirely by the time she turns 14. She'll grow up, and find her own life and own way and own family.  One way or another, I have a 100% chance of losing my sparkly eyed baby girl.

So why?  Why do we care about others?  Why do we get married?  Why do we have kids?  Why do we rip our own hearts out, hand them to others and simply say "There ya go, now be careful with that!"

I guess the answer must be that it's somehow worth it.  God gives us love to give, and we only really get to experience it when we take that risk, when we give it away.  Someday, whether days or decades from now, life is going to hurt like freakin crazy.  And I know that, because I have chosen to love.  And when it does, I hope I can remember that every moment, up to and including that one was an undeserved blessing.  In fact, maybe it's time to start remembering that now.

Hope you all can count your own undeserved blessings today!

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