Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Diet fail. Or Diet FREAKING MEGA WIN!

Tonight I had a trip to the salon.  And by "trip to the salon", I mean that I went to my bathroom and trimmed and dyed my own hair, and then I painted my toenails.  They are pink and it is pretty.  Also, while waiting for my hair to be done, I scrubbed out our shower, which is GREAT because if you go to a real salon, they try and charge you bunches of money and they NEVER clean your shower.  Jerks.  No For You.

So my hair is black again, which is not what I think, it's what the package says.  As of yet I do not know what I think, because my hair is wet.  I will tell you tomorrow.  I just rubbed my head though, and it feels like a super sexy color so I'm hopeful.

Now on to my Diet WinFailThingy.  Last Saturday I woke up to a cheery 139.8 pounds and I felt like a king.  But I did not eat like a king.  I have been being Diet Awesome for almost 2 straight weeks.  Or maybe just a week and a half, but still.  For a bunch of sequential days,  I've been doing great.  But this week, for some painfully confusing reason, I've been gaining weight.  Like, a pound a day kind of weight.  This morning I ended up at a portly 142.8, and I wanted to punch stuff.  Which would have hurt that stuff extra, since now I'm super duper fat.

So you can see how weak my will was when I cruised up to McDonald's today and had my first fast food lunch in a month and a half.  I ordered a diet coke and two regular hamburgers, and I ate those things.  And someone accidentally gave me a bonus medium fry which I did not pay for, but I did eat, because you shouldn't be a waster.

It was delicious.  Every single dang bite was delicious.  Until 20 minutes later when I was driving to my next client with a giant brick in my stomach and a giant shame in my heart.  It was bad.  I tried to make emotional amends with myself by promising I would not be eating anything else for the day.  Pinky swears.

But then I got home, and I weighed in during my salon-sperience, and apparently tonight I weigh 141.4.  I have a few possible explanations:

1) My body was in a 10 day long state of panic because I was dieting, and it wasn't until I gave it some delicious Mc Heartattack that it realized we were okay and could lose a couple of pounds.

2) Guilt has an amazingly strong fat-burning property that I had been, as of yet, totally unawares.


3) All those fat people with their lawsuits and what not are crazy wrong.  McDonald's is AWESOME for you and will make you look super hot and skinny.

You heard it here first, folks.

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