On my way to losing a marathon!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Challenge Accepted.

That's it. I finally got on my own nerves again.  Gettin preeeeetty dang tired of my own bull-dookie.  So it's time for a change. I'm pretty sure.  Yes. Yes.  Time for a change.

Now I'm not saying that I HAVEN'T lost any weight. I'm just saying that  it's going really slow and annoying...ly.  About 10 pounds in very nearly two months.  Nope, noooot nearly good enough.  Slow weight loss is not encouraging.  And while we're supposed to be all patient and happy with slow progress because it's vastly better than NO progress, I find myself more, well... not those things.  Slow weight loss feels like way too much work and practically no results which leads very directly to quitting. 

And sure, I considered quitting.  I'll be honest.  I even tried to sell my husband on the benefits of having a chunk-tastic wife.  You know. The joys of eating massive amounts of wonderful wonderful junkfood.  Bigger boobs.  All that jazz.  And while he was quick to agree that there were certainly some finer points to un-weightloss, well, I don't think I totally won that one.

So.  Time to go in another direction.

Crap.

I can't run.  It straight up bums me out, but after 2 weeks of hardcore knee and back pain, running's been ruled out for the time being.  So new plan?  MUSCLES.  Freakin, hardcore, toned-ness, muscly muscles.  Muscles to keep my body together, muscles to keep me out of pain, muscles to look awesome and toned, muscles that, as soon as I lose the 30 plous pounds of fat I'm carrying, will show up and look IN-FOH-REAKING-CREDIBLE.

Oh yeah, and I intend to do better at dieting.  Because food is absolutely the enemy. The incredible, delicious, life-affirming enemy.*

I've decided to try out one of those 30-day fitness challenge that everybody sees on Pinterest but nobody ever actually does.  It's called something like the Guns Buns and Abs Challenge, and basically just involves doing an ungodly number of squats, push-ups, and leg lifts every day for a month.  And I'm sticking to my daily crunches, because so far that's the only exercise I've been (mostly) faithful with this year.  

So today I:

Did 50 crunches

50 squats

5 boy push-ups

and 25 leg lifts

And I took some pictures and some measurements, some stuff to re-take in a month, because if I'm going to do this, I'm sure as heck going to be scientific about it.

Does that list of exercises sound hard?  Because it didn't sound hard.  But then I did them and I couldn't stop shaking for a half an hour and so there's that.  

30 days.  30 days and the pictures should change, and the BIG GOAL is to lose at least 12 pounds so I can be a healthy weighted human again.  Although I'm pretty sure I've never lost 12 pounds in 1 month so maybe this is all a bunch of crazy talk, and if I lose like, 8 pounds instead, I'd be pretty cool with that too.

So yep, it's time to start over.  For the seven hundred thousandth time.  And from a world filled with grace and forgiveness and forgetness and lots and lots and lots of squeaky clean starts, let me say, once again: Giddyup.

*If you're actually trying to diet right now, I'm really sorry you had to read that and remember how incredible food is. And if you are dieting, this MAY not be the best place on the Internet** for you to hang out. I mean, it's better than Pinterest, for sure, but still. Not great. 

**Quick question: why does autocorrect insist on capitalizing Internet? Is it really a proper noun? Should I stop using articles before it? I'm sorry, Internet. Seems I've never shown you the respect you demand. 

3 comments:

  1. OH MY GOSH I CAN'T FIND THE FOLLOW-UP TO THE ASTERISK!!!

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    Replies
    1. Yup. Not that I'd ever blame my kids for things (lies, all lies) but they wanted my attention and I rushed and forgot. It's there for you now.

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    2. Also, I remembered that I forgot about 10 minutes ago, as wondered if anyone noticed. Naaaaaaah. ;-) thanks for being the person who reads my blog!!

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