Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Resolutioning resolutions

You guys, confession.  I am doing, like, a TERRIBLE job at my new year's resolution. You know, the one where I said I intended to be a Sexy Warthog?

Well, yep.  At least I've got the Warthog part down.

I'm starting to think that my goals of losing tons of weight, engaging in proper skin care, and shaving my legs might, in fact, have been overly lofty.  Because, dude, I am NOT DOING ANY OF THESE THINGS.  And it's really starting to bum me out.  Oh, and to add injury to insult, my 5 sad little attempts at running in the past couple of weeks have cost me my structural integrity.  My lower back is now spasming regularly, and my knees ache like nuts when I try to use them, say, for walking and things.  Because of this, I FREAKING WADDLE NOW.  I wobble from side to side more than forward because this is the only way I can move without crying.

So let's sum up.  Still fat. Still hairy. With some gnarly dry skin.  And now, walking like a partially handicapped duck.  So I'm thinking, let's just go ahead and forget those things.  I think it's time to reconfigure my goals for February and beyond, and to focus on more achievable things like showering, owning makeup, and changing my underwear on a somewhat regular basis.

Or maybe I can just reclaim the idea of sexy and make it whatever the heck I want.  For example, last night, I stayed up late to finish our taxes.  And I really can't think of many things sexier than itemized deductions. Grrrr.

That's it for tonight.  I need to go comb out that leg hair, because personal hygiene is a real priority in my life.

OH BUT OH! I forgot to tell you!  This Friday I'm going to someplace called a salloon... sallone... saleone...sal-on?  And getting a beauty treatment.  What for my beauty.  I'll be sure to let you know if it helps me get my sexy back.  At the very least, it means my face gets washed this week! Woooo!

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