On my way to losing a marathon!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Dressing fail, and some scary s**t

You know those little plastic things that hold the price tag onto your shirt?  Well I certainly do.  And I most certainly wouldn't have washed my clothes with them still attached, and then worn my shirt to work today with that little piece of green plastic sticking out of my shoulder.  Of course not.  That would have been ridiculous.  And embarrassing.  And really, I'm sure EVEN if I would have gone so far as to do all that, there must've been someone I saw throughout the day who had the common decency to let me know I was making an arse of myself.  Right?  No?  No one???  ::Crickets chirp::  So, apparently not.  That was pretty awesome.

So, I'm nervous guys.  I'm nervous and embarrassed and not at all looking forward to tomorrow morning.  You see, although I take very good care of my teeth, it seems I skipped well, about a decade's worth of regular dental check ups.  After that kind of neglect, with no apparent problems and no dental insurance "just to check in", I went and got knocked up a couple years ago.  Despite taking my daily Prenatal Vitamin more religiously than I, say, change my socks or shampoo my hair, my teeth began a terrifyingly rapid deterioration process that was a little bit painful and a lot bit horrifying.

Needless to say, I've gotten the verdict:  I'm in need of TWO root canals.  I've never had a root canal.  I'm in my frickin 20's, I should be able to maintain my teeth at this age without ridiculously frightening and painful medical procedures... right?  It would seem not.

Tomorrow at 9am sharp I'll be plopped into a seat by my nice Korean dentist (I assume he's nice, I can't understand a cotton-pickin thing the man says, and he does NOT seem impressed by the half dozen Korean words and phrases I thought I knew).  He will then, I assume, act out one of the scenes from Hostel, focused largely on the inside of my mouth.  Again, from what I've been told, this is what I'm assuming.  "And then, there's this big drill..." "And then my face swelled up to the size of a pumpkin and it got infected and they had to cut out half of my tongue..." "That's when I prayed for the sweet release of death and stabbed a kitchen knife through my own hand...."

Yep.  It all sounds pretty grim.  Also, I'm severely allergic, like, Doc says I might just die kind of allergic, to NSAID pain relievers, meaning Ibuprofen and Ibuprofen related products, also known as everything stronger than Tylenol.  Oh, and I shouldn't take too much Tylenol because my body may THINK that I took Ibuprofen and I might die.  Stupid body.

I guess what I mean is, I'm sending my daughter to her Grandmother's house tomorrow, so that I can be alone while I have my OWN chance to scream, cry, and pray for the sweet release of death.  Guess I'd better hide those kitchen knives!

Hope your day looks absolutely nothing like mine tomorrow.

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