So my great big update: NOTHING.
That's right. Freakin' nothing. Although I did get an anatomy lesson and learned a little bit about what it means to have a posterior cervix (look it up if you'd like, I am in no mood to talk about it here).
Quick side note, the more I learn about my own anatomy, the more I feel like a creepy nasty alien creature. My new mental picture of what a cervix looks like will definitely be haunting my dreams tonight.
Basically, what it means is that my doctor thought it would be pointless to check if I was dilated, as OBVIOUSLY this is not happening any time soon. I don't know if I'm still dilating, I don't know if I'm effaced, but apparently, none of that matters. He's giving me a 60% chance of still being pregnant by next Monday's appointment. Which, he added, was better than the "100% chance" he was thinking (but didn't mention to me) the week before. Most of the appoint was spent with the doctor convincing me how all of this practice was going to make labor like, awesome. Basically, it'll be more akin to a weekend at a luxury vacation spa than to shoving a bowling ball through my creepy nasty alien creature.
But in the meantime, I guess I've got more time to wait. Wait, and clean house. Wait, and do some extra cooking. Wait, and feel ridiculously exhausted while sleep continues to escape me. And for those of you who have to encounter me at any point in this period, sorry that I'm so unpleasant. Every day hurts a little more, and every day I'm a little more tired, and these things are not conducive to happy cheery moods.
Have a happy day folks, and if you have a chance, take a nap on me! I plan to live vicariously through your well-restedness.