NYE FTW!!!

Happy New Year's Eve, folks!  Not sure exactly why I'm writing, I'm sure most of my super fab readers are all partying hardcore, being all fancy like

 

or maybe like

or even like 

I don't know how you party. And that's cool. You be you. 

Meanwhile, I'm over here chillin on the couch, wearing a hoodie and getting ready to watch When Harry Met Sally like

Heeeeeeeey!

The kids are asleep. We made the slightly insane choice to let them stay up an extra hour to watch the ball drop in New York (gotta love West Coast parenting!), but they just got all loopy because they were sleepy,  and then they were confused that we were counting backwards at the television and dancing around the living room. "... Why are Mommy and Daddy DOING that??"  

Speaking of which, out of nowhere:

Shane: I'd be a HOT female. Because I know how to work it.

Hmm. I'm not so sure I want to have a deep heart to heart about his resolutions this year. Some thoughts are better when kept on the inside.

So the kids didn't care too much about the ball dropping or the counting or the celebrating, but they DID like the Sparkling Cider, so I guess it wasn't too bad.

Cheers!

Anyhoosit, earlier tonight I grocery shopped, and I absolutely selfied all over that FoodMaxx. Here is my story. 

Once upon a time, I went to the grocery store.

Oh yeah, It's also important to mention that I went to the grocery store dressed up like a homeless.  

I bought this produce....

It made me feel extremely sexy, all that produce. Even with the homeless thing going on...

Because I knew that some day soon, I'm going to look like this.

The end.

And that's officially the first and last times I take pictures of myself in the grocery store. All that harsh lighting and pushing food around, it's just not ever going to give me quite that "Kardashian" feel I've been going for.

Okay. We're When Harry Met Sally-ing now. And it's maybe my favorite movie ever, so I'm ditching all you losers.  Tomorrow though. Tomorrow we will have some words.

Happy, happy, happiest of new years to you all! Joy and happiness and blessings to you all!!

3 more days till diet means I'm not currently on a diet.

Yeah. Second Dinner. Bet you didn't even know that was a thing. I made it a thing.

Obviously, I'm going a little crazy with the fat thing and the eating thing. I'm just really going about this whole plan in a different way than ever before. Last time I went on a diet, I spent the last week before the diet "began" trying to eat a little better and work out more regularly to prepare. So that my before stats wouldn't be so bad.  But it has since occurred to me that this is a really lame way to go about dieting. Because life can't ALL be about restrictive living. So this week, I'm eating all the junk that I won't be touching for 3 weeks.... 6 weeks.... 20 weeks... something weeks. Whatever it takes to get me to lose about 30 pounds. 30 pounds weeks.

Anyway the point is, restriction is coming. And I intend to do restriction AWESOME. I plan to get up early and exercise before work, I plan to grill chicken so I've got lean protein to eat every day for lunch, I plan to be INCREDIBLE at it. You'll all be impressed, I assure you. But I'm not there yet. Right now, I'm being incredible at candy and sourdough and coffee creamer.  I'm "enjoying my last cigarette", as it were. Except it's not a cigarette. I tried one of those once and I hated it. THAT was my last cigarette. It's a metaphor, you see? My cigarette is like... chocolate. Or some kind of giant pile of carbohydrates. With candy on it. And also ice cream.

So there you have it. Publicly and unapologetically, getting chunkier on purpose. Well... sort of on purpose. But with deliberate action, so I guess yeah, on purpose.

But I think there's a good diet thing here. (As I'm writing this I am also eating another Rolo and 2 more Hershey's kisses. I am not ashamed. Even though I totally should be but whatever.) Anyway, yeah, I think this is a good diet thing. I am putting myself out there. I am letting you know how bad this got so that I am freaking accountable to be a better human in 2016. Because if I don't, you'll just be left knowing how disgusting I am. Because ferreals, there's a chance I head back to the kitchen for a few more chocolate things.

So there you have it, folks. Being disgusting now, so that I can be super not disgusting later. It's science, let me assure you.

Also science: the picture that has me the most excited to get to the weight losing.

3 short weeks of diet and exercise. Actual visible results. And shoot, just imagine what 3 months would do! Hashtag Bikini Bodies, Y'all!!

It is official. Christmas is dun. Dun. Dun dun DUUUUUUN!!!!

Sitting on the couch watching the Broncos beat the Bengals with a turnover in overtime, having spent the entire day lounging in pajamas at my mother's house, celebrating the Navidad. And I'm enjoying life. And then suddenly I realize:

Real life comes back tomorrow.

Ewwww. Real life is busy and gross and it has lots of responsibilities and ZERO fudge.  I'm not sure how they even get away with that.

Tomorrow is for writing reports and making schedules and it has meetings and appointments and phone calls aplenty. That's not twinkly lights and wrapping paper. That's not nice at all. That's hard work. But here's the thing about Christmas: It is beautiful, but it doesn't last. And here's the thing about twinkly lights: Our electric bill is OUTRAGEOUS. Like, "time to sell one of the kids" OUTRAGEOUS. And here's the thing about vacation: it turns out I can't afford my electric bill if I don't get off my tukhus and get back to work. And here's the thing about fudge: I have become a chunky butt. A real live, lumpy, chunky butt.

So it's decided: it is about dang time for real life to come back. Probably. Even though I'm feeling very whiney about the whole idea of tomorrow.

But I am Mrs. Brightside, so I've been working myself up to getting excited about January. Because lets be honest. You really have to make some effort here. Worst. Month. Ever. January is long and it's gray and dreary and it doesn't have anything that's exciting except for some dead guys' birthdays. And also, we're pretty much all fat and poor in January thanks to stupid dumb Christmas*.

But I've decided that January, for all of it's dreary, chubby poverty, can maybe instead be a new time of celebration and excitement. December can be all about your family, but January is all about your life.  Your LIFE people! January is the time when we all get together and decide what kind of humans we want to be when we grow up. January is for big dreams. For inspiration. For hope. For fresh starts, for clean slates, for do overs. January lets you reflect on the past, and project out 365 days of future. And that's not sad, or fat, or poor, or dreary. That's kind of exciting.

So these last few days of December, it seems, will be about getting back to work, and planning for the future. Making some schedules for workouts. Planning our meals. Cleaning out the house. And of course, deciding who I want to be, the year I turn 33.

Okay. That's it. It's getting late and rumor has it that tomorrow, I'm supposed to be a grown up.  But before I leave, here is a picture of me that I thought would be awesome if only I had glasses. So I got some glasses. Now I'm judging you. You're welcome.

Nighty night, friends of mine!

*I'm so, so sorry Christmas. I didn't mean it. Please don't leave me.

ZOMG IT'S ALMOST 2016. A reflection.

It's just after 8pm. The kids are in bed. They're not asleep, not by a long shot, but they're in bed. Deep, cleansing breath.

I should really take up yoga.

So don't be horribly shocked, but for the sixth year in a row, it's coming up on the new year, and I decided to get back to blogging. And it feels cliche. But then you know what? Who cares. The thing is, I like the New Year.  I like reflection. I like reassessment. And I like making resolutions. So I'm here, and so I'm gonna, and you're just gonna need to deal with it. Happy friggin New Year and all.

And as far as reflection goes, wow. 2015 has been like wow. The last post on here is from July. Since July,
we traveled to Idaho.
we bought a minivan.
we started homeschooling with a new group, where I get to teach a small group of kids once a week.
we went through the whole soccer season.
we threw birthday parties for 3 of our kids.
we therapied.
we Halloweened.
we Thanksgivinged.
we Christmased.
we... I gained a bunch of weight.
and for the biggest surprise change of the year, we got a whole new human.

Our foster daughter has been with us full time for over 4 months now. I can't show you a picture until adoption is finalized, which, thanks to the legendary lightning speed of government, won't be for many many more months. But I did decide to start giving people a "feel" for our family, by turning our newest addition into our ninja-est addition. Now it's not creepy. Now it's totally cool.

Christmas morning around the tree. Everyone looks a little nuts and no one is really sitting still. Because Real Life, folks.

It's been a year of change. New experiences for us. New activities. A schedule packed so full of work and appointments and social workers and court dates and education and church and sports that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. And also? It's really noisy. I have to learn how to relax around noisy. And the messy. And the crazy. Ooooh the crazy.

And it seems in the midst of this life change, I have, to use a term the kids are saying these days, "let myself go", or "gotten really super fat again". I don't know. It's all very technical.

But I don't feel bad about it. Cuz the way I figure it, I basically had a new baby. Just... a peculiarly tall new baby, with a suprising grasp on the English language and a passion for all things Frozen. BUT THE POINT IS THAT I HAD A BABY.  And I always get fat when I have a baby. That's to be expected. The baby wanted ice cream and hamburgers. And really, I only gained like, 15-20 pounds. So, if you think about it, best baby ever.

We've been adjusting. We've been learning how to live our new life, learning how to fit in our new person and our new responsibilities, and how to do life now. And I guess, I found that transitioning was just a little easier with some extra padding. I need it for protection. The world is a dangerous place.

But now we're over 4 months in, the holidays are winding down, and we're starting our new year off as a family of 6. Still learning. Still adjusting. Still changing. But it's time to take the training wheels of self-indulgence off. It's time for me to work a little harder, and to get back in shape.

We're having our last family Christmas celebration of the season tomorrow, and I have 8 more presents to wrap before bed tonight.  Also, for all my hard work with the present-wrapping and the joy-providing, I intend to reward myself. I will eat and drink and be oh so merry. I'll check in on January first with some starter picks, the official jumping off weight, the plans for change and I'm sure more than a few tears and WHY OH WHY DID I EVER LET IT GET THIS BAD!?! but I have a few more days of indulgence to go, so I'm not there yet. Because there's this new thing I learned this year: Sometimes you can even just get fat on purpose.

Bet you didn't see that one coming.

Merry Christmas, friends. Indulge, rest, love, and joy all over the place. Because by the end of this week, ladies and gents, it is GO time. But for right now, I'm gonna go Christmas a lil bit more.

All Done! Day 1!

Today is Day 22 of my 21 Day Fix!  Today is a happy day, because today is RESULTS day. Eep!

It has been rough! Not horrible, none of it is horrible, and I've learned good things and am probably a generally healthier person for having been through this. But still, I'm chubby because I'm lazy and I like to eat things. This past 3 weeks have been different. So there ya go.

So, LET'S GET TO IT!! The measurements:

21 Days:

10 inches lost. 

7 pounds lost.

Also, it's not on here, but I like lower belly measurement, because it's my least favorite body part. Well, the mannish app version of me doesn't accept that measurement, so I'll just tell you. It was 38.5, it is now 36.5. So there ya go. Not so bad.

Smaller arms. That's apparent. And the belly. Can you tell? It's smaller too.

Also, smaller face! You don't take any measurements of your face, probably because other peoples aren't quite as cheeky as myself so don't consider it a prime place for weight loss, but check it out! Smaller face!

There is something very crooked about my body. I'm going to have to look into that.

I was looking through the pictures and I felt like, well, it's different, it's better, but despite what Autumn the crazy exercise dictator asserted, even though I gave her 21 days, I'm not going to lie and say this is the body I WANT. I'm closer. I'm 21 days closer, but not THERE yet.

But then I looked again, and I noticed something and I thought, oh man, I HAVE to show them this. SO here you go, it's

Can you see that?! It's A TOTALLY DIFFERENT BUTT. All freakin perky and chipper looking. And in case you were curious, yes, I already told my husband I was going to do this. 

Me: "SHANE COME HERE AND LOOK AT THIS!"

Him: "What?"

Me: "I'm putting together my before/after pictures and OMIGOSH I FOUND SOMETHING! LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT MY BUTT."

Him: "Yeah..."

Me: "IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT! IT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT BUTT!!"

Him: "Yeah! It's good."

Me: "... I think I'm going to put my butt on the internet now."

Him: ...

Actually no, he didn't say a whole lot of things at that point. Weird.

So that's it, my first round of 21 fix done. Today was Day 1 again because my after pictures aren't quite after enough yet. So bubbly water cheers to another great 3 weeks!

Oh and last but not least, Crazy Exercise Dictator keeps saying that we should post our favorite yoga pose. So I thought I'd finally play along:

It's my personal modification on Corpse Pose. And more realistic, I think.

G'night friends! Tomorrow is Day 2, wooHOO!!

19 Days and Counting!

I didn't want to, guys. I was exhausted and the kids were already in bed and I'd just recently eaten dinner and I did NOT want to do it.

But I did it.

And then I cried without tears for just a minute. And now drinking water makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.

But guys, I did it.

And I want to say that some days, that's good enough. But truth? I think maybe that's the BEST. Because exercise is easy when it's easy. It's pleasant when you want to do it. But when every ounce of you screams to please please flop onto the couch? That's when it really counts. That's when you're not giving in to your sad lazy self. That's when you know you're making a difference. (This is when you should picture me, standing on top of our ottoman, gazing wistfully off over my right shoulder while a towel-cape drapes down my back, blown softly by a very mysterious breeze.  You got the image? Good. Then we may continue.)

This week has had more "don't wanna" than "wanna" days for me. The last slide to day 21 has had an unusually large number of bumps in it. Many of those rough days were enhanced by work and life occurrences, lots of surprises, some great, some less than. But the point here is that I DID IT EVERY FREAKING DAY AND NOW IT'S ALMOST DONE. Woohoo!

Beginning of this week, I bought myself a present, because of masochism, I suppose.

8 pounders, so that I officially have something to call my "heavy" weights. Week 2, I thought arm day was easy. Week 3, arm day made me cry. But just to make me feel worse about myself, my 5 year old skin -and-bones daughter has started using 5 pound weights as her heavy weights (her Barbie dolls are her light weights, everybody saw awwwwwww). But anyway, I'm looking down at my tiny little pipsqueak of a daughter doing her variation of the same moves as me, using weights that are each only 3 pounds less than the ones I'm using and... geez. It's about time I crank it up.

Doggy dog doesn't like when we exercise.  All that excited movement going no where seems to drive her into a tizzy. Also, that blue thing there used to be her ball. Also also, cutest dog you've ever seen, right? I thought so.

Anyway, back to it. I've cheated a bit, I'll be honest. Little bit last weekend, little bit yesterday. However, I think, I never cheated TOO bad. I walked into it with eyes open, and tried to make good choices around the bad ones. And honestly, there was maybe a nice thing about the cheats: I'm learning how to LIVE this diet. I'm learning how to incorporate a bad meal, a singular dessert, or a bad day, and not turn it into a gorging, lazy week slash life.

And also? The weight is coming off.  It's noticeable and I know that because I'm choosing to wear some clothes that normally freak me out. And those clothes don't freak me out so much anymore. And I feel good about that. (There goes that towel cape again.)

And then there's this thing where I keep showing everyone my muscles. And yes, I'm aware that this makes me look like a 3 year old, but sometimes, maybe, toddlers have the right idea about things. And really, you should see my muscles.

2 days to go friends! This can be done!

I declare today, a holiday. HAPPY SEXY ARM DAY!

SOOOOOO for my exercise/weight loss group today, we were asked to post a flex picture. I was not looking forward to this suggestion. I am not happy with the flabby, thick nature of my arms, or the lackluster showing of muscles.  But I did it just the same because hey, I am a SPORT.

And then I suddenly felt amazing and needed to tell the whole internet about it.

Why?

Because this was my right arm, 11 days ago....

And this was my right arm today.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? I mean, I thought my arms were feeling a little less wobbly than normal, but dang it all that is AMAZING. 11 days of diet, 11 days of exercise, and my arm is practically unrecognizable.  There's this bulge on my forearm, just above the elbow. I was wondering what this flabby lump was all about, so I flexed my arm again and poked at it. Guys, it's just another muscle. I didn't even know I had that muscle. Added bonus, I'm running out of flabby lumps!!

So today, I have 3 thoughts for you:

1- Guys, take "before" pictures. I know nobody likes to do it, no one wants to take pictures when you feel super grosky, but I promise you, a little bit of freaking work and you'll love yourself for doing it. I mean as of today, I've still only lost a bit over 2 pounds. That's not very encouraging. You know what IS encouraging? My ridiculous, butt-kicking MUSCLES.

2- I am officially over half way done with the 21 Day Fix, but I am not even close to done with the 21 Day Fix. The diet is switching me to good habits with eating regularly, healthy foods spread throughout the day. It doesn't feel like a diet, it feels like, what we should've all been doing  all along. I'm sure I'll add in occasional cheats after this first round is done, but it's a lifestyle that I'm not looking to walk away from.

And then lastly we're on to...

3- and this is the worst, but I'm actually enjoying the exercise. I know, I hate me right now a little bit too, and it took a good week of hating everything, but the soreness has diminished, I'm getting better at the moves, and I guess I'm getting that endorphin rush or something because it just makes me feel good. Which makes me want to do it more. Which is why I'm also going for a run or a walk with the family almost every night.

So that's my day 11 update. Happy to be having a good mood moment to ride me into the weekend, because there's something about a weekend that just makes dieting feel a liiiittle extra depressing. Happy Friday, all, live long, prosper, and what not. 

I don't know why Spock never added the what not. 

And oh yeah. Welcome to the gun show, ladies and gents.