Thursday, August 16, 2012

Why I hate Pinterest

At first, I didn't really get it.  What?  You want to look at pretty pictures of things that other people thought looked pretty too?

But... so Google wasn't enough, because you wanted other people to know about your pretty picture fetish, am I right?

Then I sort of got it... but only sort of.  Because it was a nice place to store recipes I came across online.    Hey, sure beats having fifty thousand sporadic bookmarks saved to my browser, and it beats "hoping I use the exact same search words so I can find the website I'd looked up last week".  Which wasn't totally working for me.

Now, I totally get it.  And I totally, totally hate it.  Here is why:

1) I don't really think my life needed a new way to waste time on the internets.  I guess on the bright side, it keeps me off of Facebook and Twitter. So. you know. Balance.

2) It makes me feel bad because I don't have as good of ideas as other people who exist.

3) I'm learning that just because something has been pinned or there's a pretty picture with it, doesn't mean it's functional or tasty or true. That's deceptive.  I need user reviews and star ratings to survive on the internet.

4) It makes me feel bad because my house isn't as clean as other people who exist.

5) In general, being "repinned" or "followed" or "favorited" or "liked by other humans", well, these are not my strong suits.  I didn't need an additional place to worry about whether or not I'm deemed acceptable to the rest of humanity.

6)  It makes me feel bad because my house isn't as organized as other people who exist.

7) My husband says my t-shirt scarf still looks like a t-shirt.

8) It makes me feel bad because I wear ugly clothes.  For example, I wear a t-shirt scarf that still looks like a t-shirt.

9) It makes me feel bad because my daughter has yet to experience "finger painting".  And because I've never had her make melted-microwavable crayons.  Or blow up a bar of soap. Or play masking tape games on the carpet. And I probably won't be throwing her the world's most adorable, perfect, themed, 3rd birthday party ever.  And I've never even made her a tutu.

10) It makes me feel bad because my cooking is lame and pretty much never worthy of photography.

11) And last, and vastly most importantly: I'm on a damn diet.  I know that the entirety of humanity is not also on a diet, and that the pinterest community is not responsible for my diet, but come on.  A BROWNIE-CUPCAKE WITH COOKIE DOUGH FROSTING?!? Whoever invented that is just being a jerk.  Or the devil, if all the devil really wants is for everyone to take regular insulin shots.

Honestly, this last problem is affecting me all over my life right now.  Some of you know I work with Autistic children, and I work in people's homes.  In one of these homes, the client's father likes to leave the TV on during our lessons.  And he likes the Cooking Channel.  And the Food Network.   And pretty much all the broadcast eaters you can find.  So for about 3 hours a week, I get to listen to people cook and bake and mmmmm and munch and crunch and TALK WITH FOOD IN THEIR MOUTHS, PAULA DEAN I WILL FREAKING CHOKE YOU WITH A STICK OF BUTTER IF YOU DON'T STOP THAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH, and it used to be that I could just ignore it, but now I can't.  Because I haven't had a burger in about 3 weeks.  And I haven't had anything dessert-ish in over a month.

They tell you not to totally deprive yourself because then you'll binge and it'll all be worse.  I can see that, because I can honestly say that the food cravings I have these days would put any pregnant lady to shame.  I waaaaaaaant sugar so bad it hurts.  I go on Pinterest and find that someone just posted 27 of the most ridiculously decadent desserts I've ever seen and it makes me want to cry but I can't look away.  Because my brain wants me to be fatter again.  Apparently Pinterest does too.

But I'm not doing it.  After my body "settled" post pregnancy numero two, I had 56 pounds I wanted to lose.  I've knocked off 22 of them.  I only have 34 more to go.  I can do it.  I think I can do.  Yeah, I can do it. That is of course, if Pinterest doesn't kill me first. Y'all.

1 comment:

  1. Ok the more I read your blog the more I literally laugh out loud!


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