Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I've mentioned my skinny lil' husband a few times here, but it's time to give him appropriate props.  Some of you know that it was his encouragement, gentle exhortation to keep trying and to pray, that got my weight loss going in the first place.  But through this whole process, I think I'm realizing something: Shane may actually be the absolute perfect kind of support for my weight loss.

Take a moment to think of what you would ENVISION to be the perfect spouse to support you through your weight loss.  What does he say?  What does he do?  Does he push you to keep on losing so he'll find you attractive again?  Or does he find you perfect just the way you are, and thus not need you to lose any weight?  Starting to see the dilemma yet?  Either he's encouraging, and he doesn't accept you as you are, or he accepts you, and thus doesn't encourage you.  It is for this very reason that most people will tell you to find someone BESIDES your spouse to walk you through this one.  But I didn't have another person.  I had my husband.  So there ya go.

When Shane and I started dating, I was at my "high" weight.  I always felt good about that, honestly, because it seemed like I had more security that Shane COULD be attracted to me, even if I weighed a bit more than I liked.  Of course, I went and put on 20 pounds in ADDITION to that after we got married, because well, why not?  Isn't that what wives are supposed to do?!?

Shane says that, even though he KNOWS I gained wait, he didn't notice it that much.  After I'd started losing weight, he responded by saying that, although he didn't feel he'd become less attracted to me when I was bigger, he definitely feels more attracted to me now.

My husband has somehow managed to downplay how bad I was, and at the same time reinforce that positive change that's happened now.  Does this make sense??  I'm not sure.  But it works for me.  If Shane had pushed harder, or in any way implied at the time that he wasn't attracted to me during the worst of it, I'm sure I would have spiraled into a black hole of self-loathing that would have in no way have helped me lose a pound.  But if he hadn't said anything about it, or implied that where I was health-wise was just fine, I'm not sure if I would have had all the motivation in myself to get started either.

Encouraging another person to take better care of him or herself is a terrifying endeavor.  It's way too easy to ruin a relationship, or crush a person's psyche, which makes it seem even easier to just say nothing at all.  I've watched my husband's tormented face as he braved the potential minefield of telling me to keep working at my weight loss.  Sometimes it looked like it was harder on him to say than it was for me to hear.  But he did it, and it became one of the strongest aspects of this journey.  I'm convinced I'm married to a someone who loves me no matter what, is attracted to me at 130 pounds AND at 190, and feels joy in seeing me better myself.  And because of that, becoming more attractive, losing weight, taking better care of myself and my family, well, these are things I can do, and WANT to do, for him.  Awww man, I just got a little mushy.  That's it.  I'm done here.

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