Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Ahhh. Milk was a BAD choice.

I didn't post yesterday, but if you checked The Mondays, you'll see I did, faithfully, post my weight.  It's 165.  Which means that the week netted me a half pound loss.  It should have been better, but seeing how the week went, I was satisfied that I hadn't gained 5 pounds back.  That bit of grace definitely cheered me up.

But now, it seems, I have no reason to ever be happy again.  Ever.

Sorry, let me 'splain.

I've been having stomach cramps most days since my son was born.  I really wasn't sure why, but they weren't terrible and I wasn't paying that much attention.  But they seem to be getting a little bit worse, and suddenly today (after a pizza lunch and cheese enchilada dinner, no, I don't really expect to lose any weight this week either, in case you're curious,) I made a horrible realization:

Son of a crap.  I think I might be lactose intolerant.

So yeah, I guess I'm saying that my life is over.

SERIOUSLY though?  This totally blows.  And no, I'm not a big MILK fan.  I don't sit down with a big creamy nasty glass of milk, I'm not a disgusting freak, thankyouverymuch.  But I do like ice cream. And cheese.  And coffee cream.  And awesome things like pizza and enchiladas.

And yes, I can already hear you saying it.  "Wow, cutting out milk, and all the crazy incredible awesome stuff that comes from milk, is going to make going on a diet REALLY easy!"  But you're probably wrong, because I'm really good at finding loopholes.  (Do they make soy ice ream?  Cuz I bet they make soy ice cream.  And I bet when you put toppings all over it, it doesn't even taste that disgusting.)

So this next couple weeks will be an experiment in trying to make my stomach aches go away.  It will also be an experiment in seeing exactly how cranky Ashley can get when she's on an extra stupidly strict diet.  I'll bet the answer is pretty stinkin cranky.

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