Monday, July 2, 2012

Sad Day and Weigh-In Day, all in one day.

At 5pm last night, my grandfather went to be with his Father.  It was terrible, and yet it was wonderful, and it was incredibly emotional.  There's a lot I'm going to want to say about this, but I really don't have it in me right now.  Thinking about it makes my whole body feel like it's made of lead, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't finish a post about it today.

What I will say though, is this:  I've been finding that running can be both incredibly cathartic and incredibly difficult during a period of mourning.  Deep breathing and the steady pounding of pavement with a soft breeze on your face, it's nice.  It's... I don't know, grounding.  Plus, something about endorphins.  But also, trying to run when you keep feeling like you've been punched in the stomach and your limbs are all made out of heavy metals... that's the difficult part.  I'm going to keep it up when I can, even when I don't feel like it, because at the very least, it sure feels a heck of a lot better than eating my feelings.

Because if you really and truly HAVE to be sad, would you rather be sad and fit, or sad and bloated?  It might sound a bit trite, but I'm instead choosing to call it a coping mechanism.  And you're not allowed to criticize my coping mechanism.  So there.

So on to normal blog business.  Today is Monday, which means that today is "Lose a marathon" weigh in day!  This morning I weighed in at 165.5, 3 pounds down from last Monday and 6.5 pounds down from the beginning of the contest!!  Just under 20 more pounds to go in the next 11 weeks, which really doesn't seem too bad.  Especially since yesterday (for the second day in the week) I actually got all the way down to 163.5.  I am rocking that boat CRAZY close to the 150's, which just plain ol' rocks.  In fact, maybe I'll hit 145 a little early, just to show 'em.  

Just so we're clear, if I'm coming across as overly glib, talking about this weight loss stuff doesn't mean I don't care about what's going on with my family right now.  I'll get around to the feelings and what not on some other day.  But my kids and my diet are really pleasant distractions from crappy feelings right now, and I'm choosing to hang out there for a bit.  So until I get around to talking about it, which I think I will one day, even if it's weeks or months from now, this will probably be the end of the conversation for the time being.  At least, as far as the internet is concerned.

So long, friends.  Thanks for all of the love, the kind words, the prayers, and the encouragement.  

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