Happy New Year!

I was going to write the title in Spanish (Feliz Ano Nuevo).  But see, I don't know how to type the Spanish letter "en-yay" on Blogger and Ano without the "en-yay" means "anus", not "year".  Now just so we're clear, if you have recently gotten a new anus, say, through anus transplant surgery or some sort of new anal rejuvenation therapy, please let me be the first to wish you a happy new anus.  However for my purposes, I feel like more people tonight are probably celebrating the New Year than their New Anuses.  Although the anus people, though few in number, might be celebrating harder.

All this to say, it is the vera vera last day of 2012, and I am back.  So you are welcome.

As you might expect from my leave of absence, I have been very busy and very eating too much.  I celebrated the holidays, but the holidays are done (pretty much) and I need to get back on track, which for me means getting back on-blog.  Some changes you may notice coming soon: 1) I'm going to start weighing in again.  I'm pretty sure I'll be weighing in on Thursdays instead of Mondays. 2) I'll be making regular mention of a 20-pound-drop competition/challenge/thingy that I've joined with my sister- and mother- in laws.  20 pounds by May 23.  I intend to win.  3) Any other changes I decide to add as the whim takes me.  Don't expect me to spoon feed you.  Find the new stuff on your own, danggit.

So to celebrate the new year, I thought I would list a few memorable moments (good, bad, and otherwise) from this year to end all years*.

-This year had life and death.  I had a son.  That was awesome. A lot.  Between my husband and I, we lost 4 of our grandparents.  That sucked.  A lot.

-This year had hospitals in it.  My daughter had her LAST hip dysplasia check up, as she has developed sufficient hip sockets and is no longer a potential surgery candidate.  I on the other hand underwent a vast array of testings and got diagnosed with IBS.  So I take fiber and probiotics and much to my doctor's approval I have learned to poo more frequently.   I know, I was impressed too.

-This year had an election in it.  You can read more about that here.

-This year a chubby Korean reminded us how much fun it is do the pony.  To celebrate the end of 2012, I went and watched the whole Gangnam Style video for the first time.  I agree with America.  It is great.  I hope he does a workout video next, because I think I could get on board with this.

-This year I got an iPhone.  It's a pretty cool phone.

-This year was the first year that my husband and I lived completely on a budget.  Which makes me embarrassed because a responsible adult person would have started that years before, but we chose to not be responsible adult persons and so there you have it.  Also: budgeting is pretty cool.  I know it doesn't sound like it, but yeah. It is.

-This year had immense excitements in it.  Professional almosts that have kept husband and I on the edge of our seats.  And since some of those almosts are still maybes, our immense excitement seems that it will carry into 2013.  And that's nice.

-And lastly, this year had really awesome movies in it.  Did anyone else notice?  Super fun time at the movies in 2012.  I will list all the ones I liked that I can think of. In no particular order.  Don't be insulted please if I say a movie you hated or forget a movie you loved.  Okay here you go:

Dark Knight Rises

The Avengers 

The Hobbit

Looper

Hunger Games

The Amazing Spiderman (I didn't like this, I'd call it a muddled disappointment, but I didn't regret watching it.)

Prometheus (Really didn't like this.  Still enjoyed watching it.)

Men in Black 3.  Yep that's right.

21 Jump Street

Cabin in the Woods

Skyfall

Sinister

Argo

And I'm pretty sure there were a bunch more.  Point is, we saw a lot of a movies this year.  And I liked it so much.  I feel like this was a year of Enjoying The Cinema.  And there's still more 2012 flicks I intend to see.  I'm not sure if the movies this year were exceptionally awesome, or if I became somehow more open to the movie-viewing experience, or if I just needed a little happy escapism in a dramatic year peppered with joy and pain, anticipation and disappointment.

Eww, people are making out on TV and it is disgusting.  Don't start your new year by being disgusting, people.  Ew.

Anyway, that's it, that's my thank you and goodbye 2012 wrap up.  Now I think I'll go hang out with the hubs and wax uber-nostalgic for the next few hours until the ball drops for the West Coast.  At the moment husband is singing along to New York New York and showing off his skills as a Rockette.  Because it's always nice to keep your career options open.

Happy New Years, dear friends.  Love God.  Serve each other.  And be sure to find some laughs along the way.

Oh yeah, and for those of you celebrating extra hard this year: Feliz New Bunghole**.

*Epic Mayan-woops.
**Sorry I said Bunghole.

Ears.

I have really big ears.  And they stick out a lot.  If you haven't noticed it's because A, you haven't met me in human form, B, you are a forgiving person who chooses not to focus on the physical quirks of others, or C, I also have a giant, basket-ball shaped head which puts my satellite ears into some perspective.

Just the same, the ears are there.  I assure you.  Get used to it.

It used to be a big problem for me.  It's hard to feel pretty as a teenaged girl when you also feel way too much like Dumbo the flying elephant.  I was exuberant when I learned of a surgery they can do that actually removes some cartilage to make your ears lie more flatly against your head.  I'd never considered plastic surgery, but if they can do something about the ears....

I was also terrified I'd pass this jean on.  I had a recurring nightmare when I was pregnant with my daughter, where we got a sonogram done, and all we could see was that goofy MAD Magazine kid smiling back at us.

I don't remember consciously worrying about my kids coming out looking like this, but my subconscious was certainly fixated on that fear.

And as a side note, guess what?  Both my kids were born with normal, flat against their heads ears.  And then with in a few days, both kids' ears stuck out and flopped over a bit at the top.  I have two absolutely beautiful little children with the world's most sad little puppy dog ears.  They're going to blame me for it one day.  I'm going to have to remind them that this is an affliction we share, not one I chose for them.

Anyway, there is a point to all of this. The point is this little secret that I have, and that I've mostly kept for almost 20 years.  And that secret is this:  Sometimes I dig my crazy big ears.  Sometimes I wear my hair to showcase them, I purposefully allow them to peek through.  And at those times I don't think "goofy and ridiculous", I think "...elf".  And no, not like a Santa's little helpers thing, like an ageless, mystical, immortal being.  This weekend we're having our annual LOTR watching marathon, and it got me thinking.  So the past few days, the picture of myself in my head looks a little less like MAD TV, and a little bit more like this:

Those elf-chicks are pretty hot.

That being said, it's kind of fun to learn how to NOT take yourself so seriously.  It's fun to learn how to poke fun of yourself and enjoy some of your own quirkiness.  And hey, you might realize that your silly clownish parts are actually sexy-elf parts too.

Now that being said, I also have some pretty sizable feet, and  the Hobbits have pointy ears too.

Actions have consequences...

I kind of feel like this thing:

McDonald's sales drops for first time since 2003 - New York News | NYC Breaking News

and this thing:

may just be related things. Sorry McDonald's!  Wish we could still be close close friends, but seems we need to be super distant acquaintances at this point.

Tony the Tiger level GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT weigh in today, helping me feel well established into the 130s, which leaves me feeling grand.

Also, I got to spend my day with the two cutest freaking kids on the planet.

Lil' Man enjoyed his first time on the swing!





















I've officially decided to like them, even if they choose not to let me get a good night's sleep.











Happy evening, all!  I foresee some television watching and hat-crocheting in my not too distant future, unless the exhaustion gets to me first...

Final Fit Fall Weigh In!!!

This day is exhausting.  So is this week.  And month.  My kids have decided they no longer need sleep,  I had 10 hours of work on Monday, and about 14 today.  Which is more than I would prefer to work, if I'm perfectly honest.  I am sore and tired and maybe just a liiiiiittle bit grumpy.

But I finally got around to weighing in.  So here you have it, folks.  I know I've been super delinquent about posting these days, which is not totally unrelated to the fact that my weight has been rollercoastering without actually getting any lower and I am unexcited and, in case I haven't mentioned it, sleepy.  Anyway.  Right.  Today's weight:

Technically, it's my lowest weight, which is awesome.  And yep, it's under 140, which is also awesome.  But it really hasn't gone down more than fractions of a pound in like, 2 or 3 weeks I think, and that makes it dull.  But I don't deserve better because my dieting has been inconsistent and my exercise has happened about as frequent as ::insert witty reference to rare occurring phenomena here::

Oye.  Do I sound like a total grump? It's cause I'm sleepy.  But here you go.  I have lost about 10.8 pounds in the Fit and Fabulous Fall Challenge.  10.8 pounds in those 8 weeks, and considering all the birthday celebrating, Halloweening, and just general failing I feel I did over those particular 8 weeks, I think that's not so bad.

Oh, and speaking of Halloween, here was my family last Wednesday:

We are Batman.  We may be the coolest family you know.

G'night folks!

My blog is fixed and I am not dead!

My excuse for not having posted in over a week is that my blog got all crazy and everything on every page was titled things like tpyrr lppl, and I didn't want to publish things and have them looking like that so I thought I'd just fix it later and then later became never so I thought I'd just wait until it got better on its own so I did and then it did.

I'm not getting thinner these days, mostly because of things like "Halloween Candy Dinner", and how that's replaced chicken, white rice, and steamed vegetables as our night time meal of choice.

November started at 139, and I have decided on a new 2012 goal:  Weigh less than 140.  That's it, really.  Lately I'm mostly stuck in the low 140s with occasional trips into the very upper 130s.  So in this next couple of months, I want to make sure I maintain what I've done, lose a few more pounds, and end the year on a high note.

That aside:  Dang it all I'm tired.  My son, my Magic Amazing Sleepy Son, really needs a new name.  Like, Wake Mommy Up Every 2 Hours Every Night For 6 Months Son.  So I'm sleepy.  And on top of that, I've been working a lot more, which is GREAT because it turns out they give you money for that, but is NOT GREAT because I'm sleepy.

And now it is  9pm and we are sleepy so it is bed time.  Have a wonderful week y'all.  Hope you can get some sleep, but if you can, don't tell me about it because I might freak and scratch out your eyeballs.  Cuz, you know.  I'm really sleepy.

The people in my brain

So tired. So, so tired.

My son has been fake teething for a couple of weeks now.  I say it's fake, because he's actually poked a couple of teeth through a few times, and then these teeth have chickened out and retreated back into his gums.  I didn't know this was a thing.  Apparently it's a thing.  Anyway, the point of this is that he's in a distinctly sleep-free phase of life, as is my daughter who has scary dreams about masks some nights, and spontaneously wets the bed on others (SERIOUSLY kid? You're 3.  Stop that now.)

So papa bear and I are a couple of under-slept folks, and now it's taking a toll on my body.  Back pain, stomach pain, and week long headache, every last bit of which I'm attributing to the fact that I'm so sleepy it hurts.  Which is why we're going out on a date tonight.  Staying home may SOUND more restful, but going out means that we get a few kiddo-free hours, and nothing, nothing compares to that.  So date tonight. Yes.

I've been thinking about my "story" lately, (I have a Master's in Psychology.  Just in case you didn't ALREADY think I was crazy annoying, now you've got proof.  Story is a narrative therapy thing.  That's all.  Oh, I was also a cheerleader in high school.  So, you know.  Annoying.)

Anyway.  I've always thought of myself as a fat person who has occasionally not been AS fat.  I'm pretty sure a lot of that has to do with this picture:


Honestly, this wasn't even the worst of it.  I, of course, am the lil' chubster on the right, and the twiggy pre-teen behind me is my super hot, one-year-older cousin Tawyna.  No, I'm not blaming her high level of attractiveness juxtaposed with my rampant chubby awkwardness for my fat complex.  I'm saying it's because I was a legitimately fat kid.  There are other pictures. Worse pictures.  I don't have any of those pictures (because they make me feel sad feelings), but I do know that at the heaviest, I was 5'0" and around 170 pounds.  In other words, I was one chubby little chica.

But here's the funny thing.  This picture ALSO exists:

This picture was taken during my sophomore year cheer tryouts.  When I was a cheerleader.  That's right.  But for our purposes, it's more important just to know that somewhere between age 12 (above), and age 14 (to the left), I grew a bunch and skinnied up.  Where I come from, we call that puberty.  I was a chubby kid, and then poof, I wasn't anymore.


Fun Side Note: I'm pretty sure that mere seconds  before this picture was taken, I was running and whooping in front of a bleacher-full of watchers and judgers, when I cartwheeled and somehow landed right on my head.  Then I got up and cheered some more, because when you're a cheerleader, you just pretend it never happened.

So from high school until my wedding day, I fluctuated from around 130 to 160, dependent upon a variety of lifey-type factors.  Then I got married and got overweight for a few years.  Which wasn't a shock to me, because I am a fat person.  And then I had a kid and I was even heavier, which was still not a shock because I am a fat person.  

But here's the thing.  Maybe I don't want to be a fat person anymore.  And here's the other thing.  Maybe I never really was a fat person.

If you do the math, the years I've spent in the healthy weight range outweigh (hey-o!) the years I was heavy.  In fact, I've only been really good and over weight for probably 6 or 7 of my 29 years.  And although I've never had a truly flat stomach or been able to achieve a supermodel stature, I've got to think that truly fat people don't have pictures of themselves like this:

Japan, age 20, weighing 130, my smallest adult weight.

So I'm making a little change these days.  In my brain, if not in my body.  I'm not a fat person any more.  I'm a healthy person, who sometimes had to battle with a little extra weight.  It's just a fat suit, dude, it doesn't freaking get to define who I am.

And oh yeah, for a bonus:  You know those pants I used to fantasize about?  Those size 8 jeans I just COULD NOT WAIT to get into again?  Well this is what those pants looked like today.

Sexy. I know.

Let them eat cake.

And I did. Soooo much cake.  Just want you to know that I party.

Today was a Supreme Improvement Weigh In Day, and as such, and because it's fall and it's cool out of doors, and because I had some pumpkin in the house, I made a pumpkin upside down cake and it is knock your face off incredible so I had two pieces and so did my husband.  So we're probably gonna be a little fatter tomorrow.  Or I'm going to be fatter and he's going to have lost 10 pounds, because he is a skinny skinny man and that is what he does.  Side note: when husband and I started dating nearly 10 years ago, I weighed 160 and he weighed 125, maybe 130 after a big meal.  Today, I weigh 138.8 and he weighs 151 (it's all muscle, I'm sure).  Which is how I know that weighing less than your husband is a lot special-er if you worked really hard to earn it.

My first under 140 weigh in came the other day, and I took my pictures and I celebrated already.  But seriously?  I can't freaking believe it.  If you would have told me 3 years ago, 5 years ago, 6 years ago, that I would one day once again weigh in the 130 range, I would have immediately cried and kissed you on your face.  I was stuck at 180, then at 190 for so long, that the mid-healthy range seemed unattainable, a thing of my youth and nothing more.  But there you have it, folks.  I am in my 130's, and my Ultimate Goal is sitting a mere 18 pounds away.  

Holy flummoxed feelings, Batman.

Okay, more tomorrow.  Husband says it's bedtime and husband is the boss because it said so in our wedding vows.  Nighty night y'all!

Every 10 Pound Pics, Version 140!

So me and the scale made nice again.  Because he decided to acknowledge all of the awesome dieting work I've been doing, and called me 139.4, and then DIDN'T immediately redact it and call me something a couple pounds heavier like he did yesterday.  The jerk.

But the point is, WE MADE UP NOW. So I'm not focusing on yesterday's sins.

Just in case you didn't notice the sly little drop I made there, I AM OFFICIALLY UNDER 140!!  Days like today, where a slightly different number on the scale accounts for a not so slightly different number in my mood, I'm entertained by my own emotionality.  A few days ago, when the scale once again proclaimed 141, or 142, or even up to 145 depending on the day, I'd started to ask myself "the questions".  So.... am I comfortable where I am?  How do I feel if I don't lose another pound ever, miss my ultimate goal by over 20 pounds, and just hang out here?  Would it even be worth working harder just to try and lose a few more pounds, or do I think  I'm good 'nuf here?  Once again, I'd started to doubt that I'd see any more pounds lost.  Then a few "encouraging" pictures, and a few days on a diet, and I'm feeling a little more "HECK YEAH I'm gonna lose 20 more  pounds and be the sexiest person in the whole world EVER!"  

Feelings are complicated.

This post is taking me a long time to write, because I had to stop in the middle because my daughter wants to be batman.  So I made her this:

Madelyn to everyone. Constantly.: "Hi! I'm Batman!"

Which is just to show how wicked amazing cool my toddler is.  The costumes at the store for bat-girls are pink.  And they have skirts.  That is lame, Batman would never wear a freaking pink dress.  So we improvised.

Anyway, so here's my brand spankin new bod.  Oh, and I'm not sure if this counts, since mean husband says that getting pregnant and gaining weight then having a baby means the weight loss from before doesn't "count", but from my previous non-pregnant weight-high, I've lost over 50 pounds.  And I think that's neat.  Woo.

Picture time:

Check out how much longer the strings on the shorts have gotten!  I haven't been pulling them tight or measuring or something, I just noticed that from these pictures.  Maybe though I'll start to use shorts-string length as an indicator of how well I'm doing.

Another achievement unlocked:  Pretty sure those shorts actually, finally, FIT.  Which makes today extra exciting.  Also, holy dang these pictures make me happy.  I know how easy it would have been to ignore my diet, to not take this stuff seriously.  I know, because I've been there, how incredibly easy it would be for my "now" pic to look exactly like the before pic.  It sure as heck takes a lot of work, but if you don't think that it was worth it, to look like this instead of that, to hear my doctor call me "young and healthy" instead of suggesting that maybe I need to cut back on fried foods and do some "mild to moderate exercise" (that was his favorite phrase once upon a time), if you can't see how every whiney, hungry, sore day has been worth it, well, then I think you're weird.  And wrong.  Cuz it is TOTALLY worth it.  And, if I do say so myself, I'm really starting to look pretty damn sexy.  Yep.  I said it.

My scale is being a wicked jerk and I hate it I hate it.

I got up this morning, weighed in, and had this conversation with my scale:

Scale: Hey, guess what?!?  You did it!  You've met your goal for the week, (and it's only Wednesday, you ambitious little thing) and you're officially down to 139.8!

Me: WOAH. Seriously?!?

Scale: HA. No.  You're still totally a fatass.  Just thought I'd screw with you a little.  In fact, you've GAINED a little since yesterday... what have you been eating?

Me: NOTHING!!!  I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'VE EATEN NOTHING!

Scale:  Yeah... see, I don't know about that.  You're starting to look a little extra thick around the middle...

And that's why we no longer have a bathroom scale.

Flall Feet Flaberlous FIVE!

Soooooo WHO's interested in knowing how much I weight today?!?

Oh you are, aren't you?

You're just sitting there, waiting with bated breath....

You've been thinking about it ALL WEEK, and you haven't been able to rest, right?













RIGHT?!?

Wait... you mean, that's not right?

You do not care and I am a sad.

Now I'll contemplate the purpose of my life and things....

Well I have decided to tell you how much my fat is, even if you do not care.  So here is a picture of a picture of my scale, cuz I do not feel like transferring the picture tonight, and as you may be able to tell, I already had Photobooth open.

Here is my phone and my scale and my big fat hobbity feet. The picture is backwards, but it's not wrong, it's art.  Backwardsy-style art.

I have made a decision over the last couple of days.  That decision is that I weigh less than 140 pounds.  Or at the very least, the decision is that I will do everything possible, up to and including cutting off my left nut (I don't have a left nut, lost it in 'nam) to weigh less than 140 by next Monday.  Watch me.  I'm getting over being sick, I'm doing better on my diet and unlike the last few weeks, I don't have any junk food related traps coming up this weekend.  And I'm freaking sick of weighing the same flipping thing every dang-ed day.

Also, I'm motivated by photography.  More specifically, I saw some picture from this past Saturday, and my butt still looks like something that might someday terrorize the good people of Tokyo. RRRAAAWR! BUTT-ZIRRA!  You get what I mean.  I don't typically have the pleasure of seeing my own backside photographed unawares, but my kind Aunt seems to have taken it upon herself to remedy this.  I'm also feeling less confident about the sweater-dress/crazy tights combo I'd chosen to wear that day, though I'm not saying I've totally ruled it out for the future.  I just know now how it looks and... harumph.

Anyway, the challange this week was to talk about something you're thankful for.  Now you probably think I'm going to talk about my kids, or my marriage, or my home or job or faith, all of which I'm OUTGRAGEOUSLY thankful for, but you would be wrong.  I'm gonna tell you about a new thing I'm thankful for.

It's that I trained my husband to compliment me every time he sees me naked.

I said naked.  So all of you can stop reading now and go throw up a little if you want.

I have this tendency, after having a really good weigh in, to come find my husband and show off my lower weight by striking some really impressive superhero pose.  Usually I find it too exciting and important to waste time putting on clothes first.  When he sees me strike my superhero pose, he knows that I had a good weigh in, and he tells me how thin I look.

But then the other day I was about to take a bath, and I realized, post-stripping down, that I was missing the stylus for my DS (I was going to lie and say I needed to get a book, but that would be a lie.  I was playing Spirit Tracks).  I walked into the living room and husband saw.  "Yeah, you look good!  Lookin' really thin!"

I wasn't feeling thin.  It seemed totally out of the blue until I realized:  I accidentally taught my husband to compliment me anytime he sees me naked.  Which is awesome and which I am thankful for, because naked is the EXACT time that I want to be complimented by my husband.

Anyway, bet you weren't expecting me to talk about THAT, am I right?  I bet this time, I AM right. HA.

Have a wonderful night, y'all.  Get emotionally prepared to be hit in the face with the knowledge that I WEIGH LESS THAN 140 POUNDS, because it's freakin coming, yo!

Nighty night!

Fit Fall Four!

It was suggested to me that my few pounds of weight gain might be water weight.  I doubted it, since I'd been off diet for like, 9 straight days, which are enough days for those extra pounds to become reestablished as additional thigh cellulite.

But I'm starting to think maybe I was wrong.

After only 2 days back on my diet, this morning's first-thing weigh in was 142, just about as light as I've been in.... well, I guess just about since I graduated college, exactly one million years ago.  I'm not technically the thinnest wife my husband has ever had today (missed it by exactly 0.4 pounds), but this IS my lowest weight on a weigh in day, so as far as you all are concerned, it's the lowest one that counts.

On to other news, I am vera vera sleepy.  My poor sick little son was awake a good portion of the night with a cold, and even when he wasn't awake, he was crying almost constantly, leaving me awake, vigilantly listening to the sound of his breathing and his coughing just in case, you know, he stops breathing.  Being responsible for the well being of another human being is exhausting.

Which is why this morning, I looked like this:

And then this is what I would look like as a straight up Coffee Lovin' Zombie.

Can you see the difference?  Yeah.  Neither can I.

So here we are on to the next UpAllNight.  Currently it's 10:20, and Lil' Man has been asleep for almost an hour.  He has not had an hour of straight sleep since he "officially" woke up at 7am.  I've been trying to get this tiny sad little blog post up since about 8:30 this morning.

PS  Why the crapface do my zombie wrists look so wrinkly?!?  It's like I'm wearing a baggy shirt that is MY OWN FREAKING SKIN!  Great googly, aging is depressing.

The Game is Afoot!

Deep breath, here we go.

It's back to work time and back to diet time for me.  Today's 144 weigh in is remarkably not-suicide-worthy, after a week and a half of fatty food and over indulgence.  Which is super nice.  But that's it.  With 24 pounds left to lose till ULTIMATE GOAL WEIGHT, I'm gonna start rockin' it.  I'm gonna be at my so-far low in a week from today (141.5, just watch), I'm gonna be under 140 a week after that, and I'm GOING to be below 130 by the end of the year.

Which means the next couple weeks are totally gonna blow, by the way.  I went off-diet too long, and I am going to fo-reaking feel it all over again.  But thems the breaks, because feeling a little hungry and a little grumpy for two-three weeks is worth how goll-dang sexy I'm going to look soon.

Happy Monday everyone, off to work for this lady!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is October 7, and I'm like, super stinking fat now.

I am also super stinking old.

These things are not un-related.

Yesterday was my 29th birthday, or, I suppose, we can call it my 29th birthday Version 1.0.  I'm reserving the right to celebrate version 2.0 next year.

The day before my 29th birthday, my itty bitty little girl turned 3.  Terrifying.  Now she is a grown up woman-child who got mad at me the other day and told me to "Stick it in my shell" because she watches Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and apparently, they have given some new words to her tiny tiny rage.

Here is us at the zoo yesterday, celebrating our lives:

Me and Maddie Pants McGee sitting in a scary hippo's mouth

Best Friends <3

I promise the kids weren't as cranky all day as they look right here.

Tiny Lil' Momma's boy :-D

So precious... I, I might just pass out.

We also fed the giraffe (a MUST DO experience for each zoo trip, it seems, even after our trip from May when the giraffe sneezed on my daughter and sent her into a blind state of panic), and got to check out the new Sea Lion Cove, which was very beautiful but also very lacking in sea lions.

Hey look, there's one over there to the... no, that's a rock.

Anyway, I'm in the 144-145 range, and seeing as I had been all the way down to 141.6 (you're impressed, I know), I feel super chubbso right now, and on top of being outrageously busy and celebratory-y, feeling heavier makes me not want to blog here.  This was a planned diet-break, so it's nothing to freak out about.  And as of today, it's diet time again.  Woo hoo!!! Back on that wagon!

Fit Fall Food Challenge!

I know that I'm crazy late with getting it done, but I made a commitment, and dang it, well, I figured I should get around to it eventually.

For those of you who read my Salmon Buying Adventure earlier in the week, I know you've been waiting with baited breath to see how the fish-making would turn out.  Well happy day, the fish was cooked and consumed!!  (Days ago now, I just haven't gotten the pictures up.  Just so we're clear, I did NOT leave the fish in my fridge for a week and then try to feed it to my family.  Apparently that's gross.)

But this fish was not gross.  Husband, a self proclaimed "Salmon Fan", said it was "pretty good" (Husband is not a vocally enthusiastic person.  From what I can figure, Pretty Good translates to a solid B+.) Daughter ate it up happily, and I, a self proclaimed "Not Salmon Fan" thought it was alright.  Better salmon than lots I've had before.  Something I could eat again and be okay with.

So here's my fishy journey.  It had been about 4 or 5 years since I've attempted to cook fish, and last time was... let's just say, bad. Very bad.  Dry and fishy and gross and left the house smelling for days.  Hence the 4 or 5 year hiatus.  But these days, I've been avoiding red meat, and we've been eating chicken breast almost exclusively for months now.  It was time for an adventure.

Here is the pre-cooked fish-speriment.  Salmon Filet over sliced lemon, butter, salt and pepper.  Wrapped it up tightly and tossed it into the oven (350 deg) on a cookie sheet for about a half hour.  

I thought it was pretty.  It made me feel hopeful.

 Here is my war-wound, where I sliced my finger instead along with a lemon.  Apparently my knives are sharper than I tend to give them credit for.  THis is where I learned that cutting yourself while cutting citrus fruit is, generally speaking, a terrible idea.  Don't worry, I cleaned and bandaged up, no food was contaminated by my pain.

Owie.

 For our sides, I steamed up some pearl grain rice and broccoli.  These things, it should be said, were not adventurous or new.  These things are staples in our family, but I thought they'd go well with the lemony fish.

 Which makes me want to show off my favorite thing in my kitchen: Our rice cooker.  We use this thing probably 3-5 times a week, for rice and/or veggies.  Just toss in what you want and 20 minutes later you have incredibly healthy, flavorful, and perfectly cooked offerings to throw on the table.  The only thing "wrong" with it, is that it gives off steam so I can't put it under my cabinets because I'm afraid they will get warped.  Besides that, I guess sometimes I wished it could hold more vegetables. This thing is my absolute best cooking friend.

 Here's our post-cooked fishy friend.  In the corner you can see that I tried to pull off the skin, but the fish just fell apart on the fork.  That's how awesomely tender this fish came out.  Which is how I decided that we would be removing the skin at the table. This worked out just fine for us, but I guess some people might not like having the skins present on the serving plate.  For all of you, I have no idea what a better solution would be.  

 Plated fish.

So there you have it folks, our full, health-food challenge dinner!  We did drizzle a little teriyaki onto the rice for a little extra flavor,  but it was tasty and great, and I'm shocked to say, something I'm sure we'll have again!

As far as the fish goes, it was moist and tender, buttery and well seasoned.  The lemons were removed from the fish by the skin, so the citrus flavor was mild, enough to compliment the taste of the salmon without overwhelming it.  I feel like the tinfoil steaming option was INCREDIBLE, and thankfully, blessedly, moron proof.  I've already been gathering some new seasoning options, but I'm sure we'll tinfoil steam some more salmon up in the not-too distant future.  After less than 10 total minutes of prep for the whole meal, I threw the rice and broccoli into the steamer, the fish in the oven, and waited the half an hour till it all came out perfectly cooked, making me look fancy and talented.  With two kids at home, and for someone who hates to cook but is morally obliged to feed her family, this meal is a PERFECT option.

Anyway, time to get on with my day!  Tomorrow is birthday celebration day (which means I'll be eating some not-great things, but intend to do so in ... moderation?) and I have a house to prepare, yardwork to do, and cupcakes to bake!  Happy weekend, Friends!

Google me, baby

I absolutely, completely, aggressively, and sometimes outright violently, love the people who read this blog.  Especially, I love the people who read this blog because Google suggested that they do so.  And most of all, I love the things they were looking for that lead them to me as a person of great authority.  So in celebration of this wonderful and terrible love that I have, and since I am so very willing to expose myself, I thought it was about time that I expose some of you as well.  Or at the very least, expose some of your Google searches.

So, as a Hump Day present for us all, these are some of the most common things that people are searching for (yes, these are the EXACT things that people search for) when they find us here at EISY.

Please to enjoy.

THE LIST

1) Sleepy cat. --APPARENTLY, cats are pretty popular on the internet.  And apparently, sleeping cats are the best cats.  "Sleepy cat" is how most people who stumble upon my blog find my blog.  Not far down the list is "Exhausted cat".  I am a little sad here that I'm not reaching my target demographics, but I'm also not above exploiting adorable pictures of sleeping felines from the internet in order to gain more traffic.  So you're welcome.

2) Trekkies trekkers. --An important distinction.  I hope these searchers learned something.

3) Sexy trekkies.  --And really, aren't they all??

4) Chubby College Freshmen. --Husband's response to this search: "Boy aren't they going to be disappointed.  You aren't even IN college anymore."

5) Long Toenails. --... Really?  Geez, I already felt self conscious about my feet, now Google also suggests that I have unhygienic nails. I am not helped by this information.

6) Exercise to fix sad bellybutton face. --This is my absolute favoritist Googler.  Because they look in the mirror EXACTLY how I look in the mirror, and they ALSO want their tummy to cheer up.  I wish this person and or people well.

7) I took a shot of apple cider vinegar... --I didn't get to read the rest of this search because it was too long, but I assume it said something along the lines of "and then my stomach jumped out of my throat and choked me to death with my small intestine as punishment.  Because that was a really really stupid thing to do."  But that's just my personal experience.

8) Lady Gaga Cider Vinegar Shots. --I'm not sure if this is a thing, but it sounds OUTRAGEOUSLY terrible.  I hope this Googler makes better life choices in the future.

9) Self respect? Nope its long gone. --Yep.  Those are actually the words someone typed into a Google search.  And then Google said, "YES.  I know EXACTLY what you're looking for.  Either this blog or the suicide hotline, take your pick." Make matters even awesomer? I HAVE BEEN FOUND FOUR SEPARATE TIMES WITH THIS EXACT SAME SEARCH. Which either means that lots of people question Google about their own self respect, or it's just one very sad person with a very bad memory.

10) Winco Babes. --Welcome to my blog.  I am a Winco Babe.  Happy to meet you.

11) Crazy college girls. --Go away, you are lost, and probably a really gross pervert.

Lastly, occasionally people actually type in something related to the name of my blog in order to actually find my blog.  In fact, some people just type the full name of my blog into the search bar instead of the address bar, just to see if they can confuse Google, it would seem.  But you can't confuse Google, because Google knows.  Yes... Google knows.

Anyway, hope you're all having a grand ol' evening, thanks for reading, I think it is very nice that you stopped by.  And remember, keep Googling, because even though it sounds like something you should have to do penance for tomorrow, it's really just a reminder of how super hilarious every single human has the potential to be.  Google on, dear friends. Google on.

Fall Fit Tuesday Tres!

Today's weigh in:

Woot! 1.2 more pounds down from last week, and 6.8 pounds down from week one.  

This week's lessons:  

1) Weight loss is wicked freaking awesome, even when it's slow.  Today, once again, I'm the thinnest wife my husband has ever had.  I'm only 2 pounds over where I was at my college graduation, and I was pretty freaking hot at my college graduation.

2) I have ugly feet.  I know, you were probably distracted by the awesome toenail paint, but I've come to see that the polish is just a thin mask hiding what are otherwise ridiculous, floppy, size 8 1/2, wider-than-they-are-long, hobbit-feet.  I might need to start wearing stilettos for my scale pictures.  Or at least some kicky socks.

3) Exercise does not give you energy when you are eating very very few calories.  It makes you feel weak and shaky and sleepy.  But if it gives you a sexy tush, I'm still in.  For heaven's sake, I need something to distract the eye from my giant floppy hobbit-feet.

This week's challenge/sub-challenge was to make a healthy meal that you haven't made before.  And then take pictures of it.  I haven't shown you the pictures yet, because I haven't completed the challenge yet. But I intend to.  I have already purchased some salmon, which was sufficiently scary because I have not had to purchase meat directly from the butcher before and I wasn't exactly sure how to do it, because maybe they have their own code for how to appropriately order the appropriate amount and kind of fish.  I went up to the man and said "Could I get the salmon filet?" and he said "the salmon" and I said "yes" and then he gave me some salmon.  He weighed it first and it was almost a pound and it cost $4.33, which might be horribly over or under priced for salmon, but again, I do not know, because I do not normally purchase salmon.

I came home from the store and husband said, "Woah.  Meat wrapped in butcher paper.  Woah." And I was glad then that I am married to someone who understands.

Pharmaceutical Fail

I got a phone call while I was at work earlier this week.  It went a little something like this:

Phone Lady: "I'm calling for Ashley."
Me: "This is Ashley."
P.L.: "Ashley we just heard back from your insurance company about that medication we prescribed you"
M.E.: "That sounds nice."
P.L.: "Well Ashley, it's not so nice, because the insurance company called to say that they've denied your request for the medicine."
M.E.: "But I... the doctor.... but... my tummy hurts."
P.L.: "Well the insurance company says you don't meet medical necessity."
M.E.: "Okaaaaaay.... so what happens now?"
P.L.: "..."
M.E.: "What am I supposed to do???"
P.L.: "Well, I guess you should call up the insurance.  And you need to tell them...."
M.E.: "Tell them what?  Tell them that they should listen to what the doctor says? That I am not personally trying to take unnecessary medication but this was the ONLY thing the doctor thought could help me so how's about letting me take it, you big jerks?" --That's what my brain said.  My mouth said nothing.
P.L.: "Yeah.... maybe I guess you could come see the doctor again?"
M.E.: "... I think that sounds like a good idea."

Long story not-too-short, I'm still broken.  I'm still broken, and I'm turning 29 in exactly 14 days and I really wanted to eat some crap on my birthday.

Guess I'll be celebrating with salad this year.  Woo hoo.

Dry-Heaving is Sissiness Leaving the Body

So, I'm a big fat sissy-lady, but a little less so after the "my body is tantruming and threatening to do terrible terrible things" post work out episode this morning.  But again, all that came of it was a little bit of dry-heaving and a lingering sense of "oh lord, my poor, poor body wants to die now".

Which all brings me to the real point here: Nike Training Club... holy crap, I hate your stupid face so hard right now.  I've had the app for a good long time now, and never really, shall we say, "used it".  So today I did.  I went into the backyard, and maybe 3 minutes into the 30 minute work out, I pretty much wanted to die.  Run. Then backpedal.  Then 2 minutes of high kicks. Planks and pushups and squats and reverse crunches and lunges and, to be honest, I was sore going into the dang thing after yesterday's workout.  It is so, so hard to lift my arms right now.  I am a ridiculous, pathetic, sissy face.

Of course, all this means is that Nike Training Club is terrible and awesome and will become my primary work out for the time being.

Because as I said yesterday, I do need to work out.  Which I hate, and is very bad news for yours truly. These "tone" exercises are so much worse than just going for a run.  I know now that's because, while sometimes I run far and long and take a long time to do it, I don't run HARD.  Nike Training Jerkface makes me work out HARD.

So many times I look at this stuff I have to do and say, "I'm really not the type of person who _____." Fill in the blank.  Works out.  Wears size little.  Eats fresh produce everyday.  Willingly chooses to NOT eat desserts when desserts are available for eating.

Big freaking shock that I was once Obese, right?  Because guess what?  THAT'S WHAT THE PERSON DESCRIBED ABOVE BECOMES.  If I don't want to be a fat person anymore, if I want to be super skinny and toned and hot, I can't just change what I do, I really have to fundamentally change who I am.  I have to become the kind of person who eats right (done) and exercises regularly (...oye).

Which begs the question:  Is it worth it?  I think so.  At least today, at 144lbs and dropping, it's feeling worth it.  At some point, the cost benefit analysis may change, I may be sufficiently comfortable to maintain 130 instead of fighting to stay at 120, and that's a choice I'll have to make some day.

But not today.

Today is sore muscles and racing heart and crazy loads of nausea.  And it. Is. Awesome.

One week of Fall Fit Challenge: COMPLETED!!

So one week in, and here's my Official Second Scale Pic:

Nope, I haven't repainted my toenails as I had intended, but I'm going to go ahead and focus on the number between the ugly feet.

It's 143.8.  Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookay I'm done. Woo!

Yes, it's like, a 5 pound loss from last Tuesday, but that does make sense, as the 149 was way over where I had been before.  So it's not a WOAH THAT'S FREAKING AMAZE-BALLS! number, but it's good.  It's the lowest I've been since very shortly after graduating college, and it feels GREAT.

Last night I was up late finishing up some work when I caught a few minutes of an infomercial.  Not just AN informercial, mind you, THE infomercial.  THE  infomercial about Beautiful Brazilian Butts and the exercises that make them.

*Can I stop for a minute here and give you a piece of advice?  Please do not, no matter how tempting it may feel, go Google the term "brazilian butt lift" and then click "images".  I thought it might be fun to have some visual representation of the "workout craze sweeping the nations", but all I got were lumpy naked butts.  Lots, and lots, and lots, of lumpy naked butts.  Who knew that there were so many nude pictures on the internet?!

Anyway, so I saw this infomercial and it got me thinking.  I'm flabby.  Yes yes, I'm losing weight, but it's been years since the volleyball playing and cheerleading (what the WHAT? Yeah, bite me. I did that once.) had my behind looking perky and toned.  Now, unless I'm wearing a nice deceptive pair of jeans, my booty is flat and sad and old.  And my legs... and then there's the belly... and... oye.

Point is, even though I'm losing weight well, I haven't really focused on "tone" yet.  And to be honest, I'm thinking it's time.   The point of this weight loss 'stravaganza wasn't just to regain a healthy weight, to fit into a certain size, or hit a particular arbitrary number.  The idea is to become my best.  To look and feel better than I ever have before ever.  And if I'm going to do that, I'm certainly going to have to do some sit ups and lunges.

Damn.

Bright side:  Soon I will hit the 140 mark, and it will be time for more progress pics.  Hopefully tone will make those pics look less depressing, and I'll get a little more "Holy sexy, Batman!" and a little less, "Wow, you were really brave to post that on the internet..."

Hey, a girl can dream.

Monday Weigh In and a Blog Milestone!

First things first:  Target makes a fake version of Mio, which costs like, 85 cents less per squirter thingy.    And I'm off soda (or heading in that general direction) to see if that helps with my.... life.  So for $2.99, I get 24 servings of deliciously sweetened, non-caffinated, non-carbonated, non-caloried beverage that isn't sooo good that it makes me never drink water anymore, but is good enough that I'm a little less sad that I can't have soda anymore.  I recommend the Cherry Limeade.  The Blue Raspberry looks awesomely blue and crazy tasty awesome, but .... eh.  I can't say I recommend the taste over the taste of water.  Which again, may just be further encouragement to drink more water.

Okay, on to other news and things:  I AM IN THE LOWER 140'S!!!!!! Man, the amount of booty shaking you could see if you were here, well, let's just say it's enough to inspire the writing of a song with the word badonka-donk-donk in it. And by here, I mean in my head, not in my house.  Because if I'm going to be completely honest (which is the hot new trend this fall), most of my dancing is imaginary in nature.  Except when I'm in the car.  Then all bets are off.

So teeeechnically, I'm just barely "within the margin of error" lower 140's, eeking by at 144.6.  But at this point, after a couple weeks of "stuck", (when more than 1 day at a time being stuck ACTUALLY makes me want to jump under a bus and end it all), this was a very welcomed weigh in.

And yes, it's possible that I get a little too emotional about my weigh ins.  For all of you who have mentioned that it maaaaay be a good idea to give up the scale for a time, your concern is noted, but I am choosing to respectful ignore your kind advice.  I have to give up sweets.  I have to give up fats.  I have to give up soda and restaurant food and anything indulgent and fun.  I am NOT giving up the scale, it's the only thing I have left.  And I'm still losing weight, so you know.... if it ain't broke and whatnot.

Tomorrow, you will actually get to see another picture of my scale, thanks to THIS, so go ahead and spend the rest of today waiting with baited breath.  I on the other hand will spend the rest of today picking out some new toenail polish and refusing to eat solid foods.  Kidding, kidding.  Probably.

Last but certainly not least, I'd like to welcome all the new humans and bots who have started reading the blog over the past couple of weeks.  In the next day or two (depending on how interesting I am, and how bored you are) it seems I will have received 10,000 pageviews.  That's outrageous.  I am especially excited by all the hundreds of people who have stumbled upon my site by Googling sleepy cats.  So as a thank you, here are a couple new pictures of sleepy cats.

I decide it's nap time.

I have NOT gotten too fat for the box.  I fit AMAZING in the box.

You're welcome.

Oops. Challange begun...ish?

So I had agreed to join in with this weight loss challenge dilly starting on this past Tuesday.... and then life happened... and I totally forgot to post and stuff.

So, you know.  Oops.

Anyway, if you'd like to know more about the sweet-awesome Fall Challenge, click the 

and check it out!  

Fall is always a rough time, as clothes get more conceal-y and food gets more... comforting, and we have birthdays and holidays and always plenty of candy.  And I still have bunches more pounds that I want to see gone.  So a fall challenge should be great to keep my behind in order.

So what does this mean for my readers?  It means you'll get to see my toenail polish and my gnarly feet and a picture of my scale, every Tuesday until early November.  So this is my starting weight from Tuesday.  Ta Da!  You'll notice it's a higher weight than I want it to be.

My feet say "hello".  

Now moving on to other things from Tuesday:

I met with the doctor.  He says my gallbladder is good.  No, he says my gallbladder is SPECTACULAR.  Seriously.  Your gallbladder WISH it could regulate bile like my gallbladder can.  Assuming, of course, that this is, in fact, the function of a gallbladder.  Turns out I'm not a doctor and I seldom know what I'm talking about.

So why am I still in pain, you ask?  I don't know if you asked.  I sure as shoot did.  The doctor offered me an endoscopy like it was a party favor, like he thinks I might want to do it, you know, for funsies.   Apparently I lack the symptoms and risk factors for the things they would be endoscopy-ing, but we could do it anyway, again, for funsies.

GI doctor doesn't want to cut me.  GI doctor doesn't think I have something you'd find on an endoscopy.  GI doctor thinks, as have all the IBS afflicted nurses I've met over the past couple months, that I have IBS.  I typed it really small because it's embarrassing and shameful and you don't type things like that out loud.

So here's some news about IBS.  There are 3 types.  Serious and Terrifying Poo Type, No Poo Type, and Crazy and Unpredictable Poo Type.

There's only one type which is treatable with a pill.  It's the No Poo Type.  Which, assuming this affliction is the affliction with which I am currently afflicted, would be the actual type I am afflicted with.  If I say afflicted enough times, I assume you'll miss the fact that I just told you something about my poo.  Afflicted.

Let's focus on the good part: THERE MIGHT BE A PILL THAT CAN FIX ME.  Which sounds much awesomer than surgery.  The bad part then, is the fact that my insurance doesn't want to cover that pill (thanksalotobamacare), so the  pharmacy is holding it for ransom until my doctor moves heaven and earth and the minds of the money savers to get them to give it to me.

Ah, the adventure continues.  I'll be sure to keep you updated.  I'm sure you'll want to be updated.  In the mean time, I may very well just stop eating completely.  At the very least, it'll help get me closer to winning the Fall Challenge!!